There is a website which will go through your old tweets and turn them into poetry (different types of poems) So for a laugh I pointed it at my Twitter stream, and this is the masterpiece it gave me..
by Wayne Owens
Like it was somehow my fault
I try my best to be helpful
That’s a compliment or an Insult.
Course. You can not be too careful.
You say the nicest things.
And claim it reminded me of her
The Instruction Writers feelings.
Gone, or what is left to do either.
Dont think like that… be positive
Are nuts. But not that nuts.
Does not sound very productive.
Safe. I’ve seen your wife drive
Get your own poetweet here
The Hacker Manifesto
Written January 8, 1986
Another one got caught today, it’s all over the papers. “Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal”, “Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering”…
Damn kids. They’re all alike.
But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950’s technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?
I am a hacker, enter my world…
Mine is a world that begins with school… I’m smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me…
Damn underachiever. They’re all alike.
I’m in junior high or high school. I’ve listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. “No, Ms. Smith, I didn’t show my work. I did it in my head…”
Damn kid. Probably copied it. They’re all alike.
I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it’s because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn’t like me… Or feels threatened by me.. Or thinks I’m a smart ass.. Or doesn’t like teaching and shouldn’t be here…
Damn kid. All he does is play games. They’re all alike.
And then it happened… a door opened to a world… rushing through the phone line like heroin through an addict’s veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought… a board is found. “This is it… this is where I belong…” I know everyone here… even if I’ve never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again… I know you all…
Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They’re all alike…
You bet your ass we’re all alike… we’ve been spoon-fed baby food at school when we hungered for steak… the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We’ve been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.
This is our world now… the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn’t run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore… and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge… and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias… and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it’s for our own good, yet we’re the criminals.
Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.
I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can’t stop us all… after all, we’re all alike.
I just had a nice entertaining sales call from o2.
O2: “Hi, we’re calling from o2 to thank you for being a loyal customer and to let you know about some great offers we have for you to thank you for being loyal. Are you free to talk?”
Me: *watches code compile* “Sure why not!”
O2: “How do you find your O2 experience.”
Me: “Fine apart from having no signal anywhere.”
O2: “Oh.. right, are you happy with the amount of free minutes and texts you have? could we offer you more?”
Me: “I never use the ones I have, due to never having a signal.”
O2: “right, I see you have a data plan. Using the internet on your phone is good, do you need a bigger allowance so you can use it more?”
Me: “Never use the data, There are no places around here with an Internet signal.”
O2: “we are slowly upgrading our masts from 3G to 4G so you will soon have super fast internet to your phone. Does your phone handle 4G?”
Me: “4G? I’d be happy with 3G, No, I’d be happy with 1G or even just a phone signal…”
O2: “errr.. is there anyone else in your household with mobile phones?”
O2: “Ahhh.. are they on O2??”
Me: “Yes, yes they are….. currently”
O2: “And what’s their view of O2 and their accounts?”
Me: “They are happy, apart from not having a signal anywhere!!”
O2: “err, since you use a lot of Data would you consider or be interested in getting a contract with us with a tablet computer, we have a nice deal on iPads…..”
Me: “Didn’t we cover I don’t use the Phones data use because there is no signal anywhere.”
O2: “right.. errr.. ok.. hummm.. well Thank you, have a nice day….”
O2: *Hangs Up*
Phoning to talk about increasing use of phone and 4G. When there is NO phone signal where I live for even calls/texts. There is no signal during my commute to work, and barely a phone signal in the area I work (Phone only no data). I believe the local Town has a 13 foot circle where you can get 3G, if the wind is blowing in the right direction.
This is a shame, I have been with O2 since before they were O2, My sim still says “BT Genie” on it. And apart from the last several years I never had any signal issues, I had voice/sms everywhere. And now, nowhere.
Isn’t progress great.
Answers via carrier pigeon please.
It is that time of year again when the GraigAid People are pleased to announce that they are back again for this year’s two day charity live music festival which will be held on the 25th and 26th July 2014.
We here at the Three-Ninjas in a
un-characteristic gesture of cooperation and helpfulness have decided to help spread the word a bit, and get some helpful information for YOU dear Constant Reader by interviewing an un-named member of the organisation team.
Three Ninjas: So Deep Throat, may we call you Deep throat?
Deep Throat: I would rather you did not!
TN: Ok. So GraidAid. Let’s start with the basics. When is it this year?
DT: It will be held on the 25th and 26th July 2014.
TN: And where?
DT: Once again we are back at the Three Pigeons in Graigfechan. (Location Details: Here)
TN: That was a little bit odd. You just responded with a href web link. Are you drunk?
DT: What? Wait? What kind of interview is this?
TN: The awesome kind. So talking of Drunk, Will there be anything good to drink at this So Deep Throat, may we call you Deep throat?years event? Just asking as some of our readers are
alcoholics, err Drink connoisseurs.
DT: The event is in the grounds of a PUB! there is plenty to choose from, including real ale and ciders, hot food, etc. Including some very nice local brewed real ale
TN: Is that Stuart’s stuff? because Dear Reader, that stuff is GOOD.
DT: Yes. Yes it is.
TN: So. How’s this years line up going?
DT: 15 bands confirmed so far, you can get a basic list here
TN: And Tickets?
DT: They are available from our website now! along with tickets for Camping.
TN: There is camping available, for those who wish to drink late, and not drive home?
DT: Yes, the camping tickets need to be booked in advance because we need to allocate spaces and confirm to rules and regulations.
TN: Do the entry tickets need booking in advance?
DT: No, only the camping. Entry tickets can be got on the day. But we recommend people pre-book them anyway.
TN: SO. If people want to know more about this event what should they do?
DT: Well they can visit out official website http://graigaid.com or go see our Facebook Page, Twitter account, etc to be kept up to date on all news and details.
TN: Thank you for taking a break from your hectic schedule to spend a few minutes answering our questions.
DT: It was a pleasure… HEY! hold on a moment, you are still calling me Deep Throat?
TN: Is that our phone.. Right got to go…..
Graig Aid Music Festival 2014
We are pleased to announce that we are back at the Three Pigeons in Graigfechan for this year’s two day charity live music festival which will be held on the 25th and 26th July 2014, with 15 bands, real ale and ciders, hot food and camping facilities.
We have more than adequate covered areas from which the stage is visible and following last year’s successful experiment, dry weather and sunshine have been re- booked !!
Children Under 12 accompanied by an adult are free, whilst there are concessionary prices for Under 16′s. Please join us at our family friendly festival in the beautiful Vale of Clwyd in North Wales, why not come along as part of your holiday ?
Please watch their webspace for more details as they emerge for ticket ordering and if you fancy volunteering to help!
But why did you have to be so reckless, Why did you take on 5 giant ants at once? You made me break my rule on restoring from a savepoint. Which is something I never do!!!
And then you stupid stupid dog, You went and got yourself killed again. Even though I told you to stay put, and not move you ran again to your death against the ants.
RIP. You are gone but not forgotten.
Dear Constant Reader,
I got into the Insane Asylum this morning to find the following email on your support system, and it was too amusing not to share 😉
F*cking iPhones. His iPad has exactly the same settings as his iPhone. iPad connects and retrieves email. iPhone does not. Have advised him to test it against a brick wall.
iShit really is the spawn of the Devil. You would NOT believe the problems I have with them (or perhaps you might). Wi-fi connection seems a favourite one. Happy to connect to one AP but not another (same manuf, same encrypt etc…).
They are as shi**y as a very shi**y thing.
You can tell I’m not happy.
Ps. Until a few months ago I had a mac. Just for testing purposes. I need blood pressure medication and I had to get rid of it for medical reasons. The day some dork won the eBay bid was one of the happiest of my life…
Hi loyal readers.
Just a quick post to say we are back up and running. “What? You did not notice we had gone away? for shame on you!”
We have had a change of hosting providers. The new one is fast, stronger, newer, its the 6 million dollar hosting.
So We have a slight issue here at the Insane Asylum. The ADSL Line that out VoIP server is on can not keep a sync, The second it connects up it then disconnects. It has been doing this for two days now.
This is bad enough, but not something we could not deal with since we have two internet lines coming into the building. But Our main line is behaving just a “Tad” better. It can stay connected for a whole FOUR minutes before dropping the connection.
Hey, The Internet in four minute segments is not that bad right? How about the speed of that line has dropped due to the constant disconnects and is now syncing up at a WHOPPING 0.5Meg.
This is no where near enough to supply the amount of people here trying to work. So even thought we were able to do a bit of creative patching and got an old style phone working (One phone for all the numbers coming into the building) We do not have enough of a connection to the Net for us to do any work even if you were lucky enough to get us on the phone.
There is just one question remaining.
Who has the board games?
My father got my mother a Kindle Paperwhite for Christmas since she loves to read at night. I was there when she opened it, I watched as she excitedly opened the box, took out her new kindle and powered it on for the first time, touched the screen, looked confused and handed the device to me (within four minutes of opening the box) asking “Why is it all weird?” My mother had managed to set the kindles language to Chinese. And expected me to quickly fix her new toy so she could continue to play with it.
Now I do not know if you are aware, but when powering on a kindle paperwhite for the first time it goes through a sequence of steps. Such as Set up Language, Set up WiFi, Set up and log into your amazon account, etc. And you must complete all these steps before you get to such useful things as Menus & Options. So I had to do all that for her before I could re-set the language, and I had to do it all in Chinese Kanji. before I could try and read through the menus (In Chinese) to change the language.
As you can imagine, My mother took some stick for doing this.
FAST FORWARD TWO WEEKS.
My mothers old eBook reader she gave to my sister since she no longer needed it. So I blanked and reset it for her, added a load of free public domain books to start her off and it was sent to my sisters house.
FIVE minutes after it was dropped off at my sisters house I got a phone call from her, asking how to reset the device as she was looking at it and hit the wrong button changing the language to Chinese or some such thing. Yes, she managed to do the exact same thing she made fun of my mother for doing. And once again it was left to me to fix, this time over the phone, without being able to see the device.
As they say, the Apple does not fall far from the tree…
and as I say “My family can be annoying!!!“