The Apple does not fall far from the Tree

My father got my mother a Kindle Paperwhite for Christmas since she loves to read at night. I was there when she opened it, I watched as she excitedly opened the box, took out her new kindle and powered it on for the first time, touched the screen, looked confused and handed the device to me (within four minutes of opening the box) asking “Why is it all weird?” My mother had managed to set the kindles language to Chinese. And expected me to quickly fix her new toy so she could continue to play with it.

Now I do not know if you are aware, but when powering on a kindle paperwhite for the first time it goes through a sequence of steps. Such as Set up Language, Set up WiFi, Set up and log into your amazon account, etc. And you must complete all these steps before you get to such useful things as Menus & Options. So I had to do all that for her before I could re-set the language, and I had to do it all in Chinese Kanji. before I could try and read through the menus (In Chinese) to change the language.

As you can imagine, My mother took some stick for doing this.


My mothers old eBook reader she gave to my sister since she no longer needed it. So I blanked and reset it for her, added a load of free public domain books to start her off and it was sent to my sisters house.

FIVE minutes after it was dropped off at my sisters house I got a phone call from her, asking how to reset the device as she was looking at it and hit the wrong button changing the language to Chinese or some such thing. Yes, she managed to do the exact same thing she made fun of my mother for doing.  And once again it was left to me to fix, this time over the phone, without being able to see the device.

As they say, the Apple does not fall far from the tree…

and as I say “My family can be annoying!!!

Is there anyone out there?

Well December 21st 2012 has past and we are all still here. We survived, the world did not end in a blaze of fire, long forgotten unhallowed graves did not spew forth their masses of undead zombies (I am a slightly upset about that one)

So Congratulations to us. WE RULE. so lets put all these doomsday worries behind us, and move on with our lives…….


This post is set to auto publish. SO technically we could all be dead. the world could be totally destroyed and this post is going out to no one. In which case I would just like to say.

Good bye and thanks for all the fish.

For the Parents out there

Hey Guys, Gals, and Constant Readers Lend me your ears.

Oh, I should point out I do not want to use your ears in any weird way. I will not be putting anything into them, before YOU (Yes YOU, you know who YOU are!) ask, Neither do I wish you to rip/cut/remove your ears in any way and throw them at me. In fact I wish I had not started with that famous opening now, and just gone with a more easily defined “Please listen to me for a minute” But, hey ho, you live and learn.

Anyway, I have a Question, and I am aiming it to the parents out there. The question is :-

Does having kids lower your IQ?

Before you parents go nuts and order me to go sit on the naughty step, let me explain by sharing two incidents I have witnessed this week (And its only Wednesday).

Incident 1:

I pulled into a Petrol Station, and got in line to wait for a free Pump. The car in front of my was being filled up by a young lady who looked almost finished. She puts the hose back on the Pump, puts the cap back on her car, all perfectly normal so far. She opened the back door of her car and collected her handbag (Obviously so she could pay inside). At this point her baby must have made a noise at seeing her, since she leans back into the car waves a stuffed rabbit toy about a bit and stands back up, puts her handbag back in the car, gets in and drives off without paying. Now I am positive since she collected her bag she had every intention of paying, but the interaction with her child made her forget she had not paid.

Incident 2:

Driving up a hill on my daily commute (Monday) there is a woman with a pram and a toddler struggling to cross the very busy road. She had made it half way across and was stuck on a small island looking scared. I did the decent thing and stopped to let her across, where upon crossing she turns and starts walking up the hill where 10 yards further up is the School crossing guard to the school she is taking the toddler too.  Now in case you are unfamiliar with School Crossing guards, they have the power to stop all traffic to let people cross the road, So why she did not cross 10 yards further up the hill I do not know. As an aside to this Incident, She was there the following day as well (Tuesday), only she had not got to the point of crossing the road yet, I saw her walk past the Crossing guard down to where the road had a little island and wait to try to cross there.


So I ask you. Does having Children lower your ability to do everyday tasks? enquiring minds want to know!


Jimmy shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly

Recently while watching an episode of the 1970’s series “Wonder Woman” I realised a very significant Superhero fact.

Wonder Woman is this attractive, super powered Hero until she puts on some normal clothes and a pair of glasses and becomes plain old Diana Prince Secretary.

Superman, The man of steel, A super powered Hero until he dresses in normal clothes and puts on a pair of glasses and becomes plain old Clark Kent reporter.

So working with these facts I reverse engineered the whole Superhero effect. And after hours of complex formulas and MATHS!!! I came up with the underlying logic of super powers. Glasses counter powers.

Armed with this knowledge I did the only sensible next step in testing my theory. I removed my glasses and put my pants on the outside,  thereby granting myself Super Powers!!!


Mathematics Lies!!!

Turns out working backwards and taking a plain normal person, dressing them as a superhero and removing their glasses does not grant them superpowers 🙁

On a side note, I will accept full responsibility for the injuries sustained in this scientific experimentation.  In hindsight, maybe the “Can leap tall buildings in a single bound” testing should have been jumping from the ground upwards, and not off the top of a tall building.

Also, Flying is not easy to learn when falling. Mother Birds are bitches for throwing their kids out the nest to see if they can fly!!!

Hopefully the casts will come off soon, and I’ll be back up on my foot, Who needs two legs really? I think I’m just one step closer to every humans goal of being a killer cyborg.

Mild Mannered Blogger and not super hero at all.

I am always glad to help

On my way home from work I stopped off at the local Co-Op for a loaf of bread. As I was leaving the store I spotted one of those people who like to hang out with clipboards and hassle ordinary folk as they try and go about their daily lives. My normal response to them is to give off a “Don’t even think about it” Vibe and walk right past without even acknowledging their existence.

As I got almost to the door the heavens opened with a torrential downpour. ‘Shit. I’m going to get drenched, maybe if I wait five min’s it will ease off’ I thought. So I smiled at the clipboard wielding woman and decided to help her out.

Woman: “Hi. Can you spare a bit of your time to help us out?”

GN: *looks out at rain* “why not… Go for it….”

Woman: “ok” *looks at survey form* “How often would you say you shop at this store? Daily? Several times a week? weekly? How often, roughly?”

GN: *starts counting on fingers, 1, 2, 3, 4….* “Roughly? Say once every five years”

Woman: *looks confused at form* “err. Ok. I’ll put down once a month.And why did you choose to shop at this store today? Price of Items? Availability? Good Parking, Size of store?”

GN: “There was a crash in Tesco’s car-park, I would have been ages trying to get in there to park!”

Woman: “errr….ummm… OK. if you do not mind me asking about how much was your shopping today?”

GN: *raises loaf and looks for price tag* “£1.30”

Woman: “Did you find the store had all the dairy products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Not applicable”

Woman: “Did you find the store had all the meat products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Not applicable”

Woman: *starting to look a bit confused* “Did you find the store had all the fresh baked products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Breads counts as baked right? SO Yes”

Woman: “Did you find all the Beer or Spirits you ……”

GN: *Raises loaf and wiggles it*

Woman: “Right, I’ll just put not applicable to all these” *crosses off loads of entry’s on the form* “OK. as you were walking about the store today on a scale of 0-10 how did you find the amount of stuff on the shelves?”

GN: *Looks behind the Woman at the section of the store with completely empty shelves* “It’s probably not wise to ask that question while standing in front of the part the store where they are changing all the shelves around”

Woman: “err I’ll put Not applicable to that as well” *starts to randomly answer questions herself* “OK, were you able to find everything you wanted today?”

GN: *Raises loaf and pokes it* “YES!!! Yes I was!”

Woman: *slowly starting to back away from the entrance* “Thank you for your time… err its very important to us and we appreciate it… Have a good day… Bye!!”

GN: *Waves with the loaf of bread*


I think my feedback will be appreciated and help towards improving the store. I should have been paid. Or at least offered a 10% discount on my days shopping.


Hah. I’ve fixed the Problem with the Calendar

Have you noticed that we have a MAJOR problem with the current calendar system?

You have not? Really? You are joking right? Can you even tell the time?

Ok. For the “Slower” among you let me point out the flaw.

For rough quick calculations you think of there being FOUR weeks in a month. For example if you have X amount of something to last a month, you mentally divide it by 4 to work out your weekly amount.

So FOUR weeks a month. TWELVE months a year. Gives us FOUR times TWELVE or FORTY EIGHT weeks.

Yes. I know. We are all taught in school there are FIFTY TWO weeks in a year. SO where are the missing FOUR weeks? Yes, the current messed up calendar has a whole month missing in it. Which messes up monthly wages/bills/everything.

So What can we do? Just add a new month to the year called Waynember? (Just throwing that name suggestion out there in case a new month is the way forward)

Well, that would give us THIRTEEN months a year, and the average person is superstitions and do not like the number THIRTEEN. So lets but the idea of Waynember as plan B.

So what else can we do?

I suggest we take those FOUR weeks and split them up, and add a couple of extra day to the month. I suggest we slip them in the odd Weekend, making a new Bonus weekend day. I have no name suggestion for this new bonus day. But lets call it WayneDay for now.

WayneDay would be a weekend, and treated like a Bank holiday. As in you get the day off work, but it does not count against your holiday days. It would help the economy with millions of people going to tourist places, pubs, doing DIY on WayneDay. so its win-win all the way.

So there you have it. My suggestion on fixing the Calendar.

StopGo roadworks guy You owe me a Pint

Some time ago I wrote a post praising the good work done by StopGo men. I even doffed a pint to their hard but important work.

The original post can be found here -=> “A thanks to the StopGo roadworks guy

I now wish to retract my earlier admiration for these evil power mad people, who have nothing better to do than stand about causing problems for poor commuters.

Let me explain why I have had a reversal of opinion.

This morning on my daily commute I came across some “Gully Cleaning” in progress midway down a LONG straight road. There was a StopGo man standing by the works van with his little sign which was showing STOP in my direction.

Now I was the ONLY vehicle on the road, long straight road, with Just me driving towards the StopGo Man who is signaling with his sign I have to stop to let the none existent Cars from the other direction come through first.

Now Since I’m still a bit away I figure he will swap the sign as I get closer. NOPE. It still says STOP, as I slow down as I get closer and closer to him. Until I reach him and have to come to a complete stop since the sign is still saying STOP.

He looked at me, checked the NONE EXISTENT oncoming traffic, checked me, checked again and changed his sign to GO.

WHY god darn it WHY???

I was the only car on the road, he could easily have checked and changed the sign to save me having to stop. I figure the evil jumped up person wanted to abuse the small power he has in his life. After all his entire role in life to so stand and hold a stick. There are not many jobs where you could be replaced by a pile of dirt and still have the same competence of work.



You know whats better than Coffee? Right Free Coffee!

Yesterday I got home to find a package waiting for me. I’d like to say I calmly opened it to see what it contained but who am I kidding. I ripped it open like a child at Christmas.

Inside I found a Bag of coffee. But not any old coffee, no, a bag of Kopi’s Diamond Jubilee Special Edition coffee.

I’m looking forward to trying this later as the description sounds good (I‘ll post it at the bottom of this post) And it was very nice of the guys at KOPI to send me this, But I must admit their view of “A months supply of Coffee” does not quiet tally up with what we at the Ninja Temple consider a months supply.

But then again, maybe the average person does not mainline it with a IV feed.


Indian Plantation AA Little Flower

Mild, elegant flavours from one of India’s most prestigious plantations.

There’s no doubt Little Flower is an Indian Coffee. The Wet aroma is of molasses and toffee with a hint of cinnamon, and there’s a slight tamarind sharpness to the finish.

Time to get the pot on…..