by GothNinja | May 31, 2012 | Comedy
I really wish this had been a conversation I had, but alas it was a conversation between a colleague (YoYoMan) and a cold caller.
Cold Caller (cc): “So sir we are conducting a survey on how your home is supplied, may I ask where you get your electricity?”
YoYoMan (YYM): “Yep we have a nuclear fission reactor under the house, this supplies us with our electricity.“
CC: “oh, is this provided by a company?“
YYM: “nope I built it myself.“
CC: “ok how is your house heated? And who is your supplier?“
YYM: “well the house is heated by the cooling system for my reactor, it’s a bit of a pain in summer mind“
CC: “ok, so if I was to offer you a price comparison and was able to find you a cheaper supplier would you be interested?“
YYM: “firstly no, as I built the reactor myself and it’s free electricity and heating, but do you have any information on companies that deal with air conditioning, and possibly someone to help deal with the reactive waste?“
CC: “what do you mean sir?“
YYM: “well I’m looking for someone who could take my spent fuel rod when the time comes, I don’t think it would be safe just to bury it in the back garden...”
CC: “one moment sir I will speak to my supervisor“.
(hold music)
CC: “I’m sorry sir my supervisor has advised I end this call. Goodbye“
by GothNinja | Dec 19, 2011 | Comedy, Holiday
I am sorry I have to break this sad news to you Dear Constant Readers, but alas due to some bad judgement on the behalf of the jolly fat man, Christmas this year is cancelled.
You see, as I was driving home from work the other night, in the dark, on icy roads Santa’s sleigh pulled out of a junction directly in front of me. It was only my superior driving skills that prevented a head on collision. I should interject here that Santa’s ride has gone down a bit since I was a kid, he’s replaced all the reindeer with a landrover (Which as a founding member of the reindeer liberation front, I fully support) and well the sleigh is looking rough, like someone just nailed a few bits of MDF onto a trailer and stapled a few Christmas tree lights to it!
Anyway, He almost caused me to crash, and the UK laws of road rage state I MUST hunt him down and stab him. Now, Give him his due’s he is a wily old fox is Santa. He seems to have hired a load of body doubles (I wonder if he got the idea from Sadam) It just means I have more work to do, on a side note I am running out of places to bury the bodies…
Merry Cancelled Christmas.
by GothNinja | Sep 16, 2011 | Comedy, Codes
I get several IM bots try and talk to me, normally its the same ones over and over. Sometimes I play along, or mess with them in the hope the programmers have conversation logs.
There is one AIM bot that goes by the name Crystlyst9 which gets quite aggressive if you call it a bot. Which makes today’s conversation with it very amusing as its script broke.
I thought I would share the conversation with you:-
—–IM LOGS—————————–
(more…)
by GothNinja | Jul 7, 2011 | Comedy
In an attempt to persuade more tourists to Wales, The AIJMU think tank team came up with a new flag design, after deciding the old flag’s dragon was a bit to scary looking.
The new flag they feel is more user friendly, implies a happier, kinder country to encourage tourists.
by CodeNinja | May 15, 2011 | Comedy, Geek
I just thought I would share this technical tip on how to make sure you do not get any speeding tickets from fized mounted speed cameras.
SQL Injection number plate
by GothNinja | Nov 23, 2010 | Comedy, Work
We at the Insane Asylum have been running some updates on our antiquated control systems, and during this update I had cause to check the Polychronicon that is the Asylums Wiki. While trying to find the list of perl modules we need to re-install after a major update to allow some of the older systems to continue working (Which I could not find) I came across an odd link to an article simply titled “Were Ninja” Intrigued I had a quick read, and memories of the old days came back, especially of the “Were Ninja” Himself. So I’m reprinting the article here.
Were Ninja
I have been researching a rumor I heard, about strange occurrences in some of the local woods. of a dark figure fleetingly seen from the corner of the eye, strange symbols, glyphs tracks. And most concernedly the noises and screams that echo out of the darkness.
I can now give a slight insight to these happenings..
It starts with a quick 10 minute job after hours, a job that ended up taking longer than was expected, It started with a man tired after hours of staring at a monitor, a man too tired to know what he was doing, It starts with an innocent chain-letter email, one that had to be sent out to a dozen people within thirty minutes or else.
It starts with someone we will call Mr X. He was a normal mild mannered I.T. professional, but one day while taking a break from his work he read his e-mail, the stuff he would normally just junk. It was while reading this e-mail he stumbled upon the book of e-vile! He innocently read out allowed the text from the satanic summoning kanji of death. And because the smtp server was down he could not fulfill the requirements of the chain-letter and the chain was broken, allowing him to be possessed by the spirit of a were-ninja from 14th century japan.
Now on nights where theres a moon he roams the welsh countryside. doing unspeakable things
