The Gay Test

There has been a lot of online discussion about the possible Laws/Bills in America allowing those who object to refuse to serve same-sex couples, and how it is a major step backwards in the evolution of America. I am not going to discuss it here because it has been well covered in other places.

Last night on Facebook someone asked the question :-

I want to know.. If 2 people of the same gender go to a hotel in one of these states that are talking about allowing banning gay people, would they have to somehow prove that they are straight to stay there?

This led to a long comment conversation on possible ways, and the flaws with them. These ways included such test as :-

The Monty Python Test.

What organisation uses a rainbow as its symbol? The LGBT Movement. What is colourful like a rainbow? A peacock.  So, if we weight a person and they way the same as a Peacock, then we know they are gay.

The Weird Pervert Test.

Hotel funded inspection prostitutes. Trained to sleep with customers and evaluate how much they enjoyed it.

 The first test got the response of “WTF???” I am assuming there were none python people in the conversion.  and the second got responses of “ewwwww!!!!!”

Which led to a more sensible conversation, and testing amongst the people involved. I should point out there were Engineers & Scientists involved in this discussion, and after many formulas, maths, & good old-fashioned trial and error we actually came up with a test that was accurate 100% of the time.

I am going to describe the process here, but we are patent-pending the test with the view to selling them and making a small fortune. After all we have the only fool-proof test in existence.

The Science Test.

This test is based on the fact that saliva undergoes a chemical change when the person is sexual aroused. Which suggests a link between sexual preference and the cells of the tongue.

  1. Take a piece of Litmus paper (The colour changing properties of it come in handy).
  2. SECRET STEP. I am leaving this step out so no one else steals our idea. But it is a basic household ingredient applied to the Litmus paper.
  3. Get the Test subject to drink an acidic drink, (any soda will do). This helps looses the cells on the tongue and remove any blocking material.
  4. Get the Test subject to lick the Litmus paper (You get better results if they can keep some liquid in their mouth when making contact with the paper)
  5. Check Paper. If it is wet/damp then the Test subject is normal, if the paper remains dry then they are Abnormal and you are safe to refuse to serve them.

Butterfly Tai Chi – Feel healthier & Calmer in 20 mins aday

DVD CoverI got back to the Ninja Temple last night to find an envelope waiting for me containing a copy of “Butterfly Tai Chi“. I had been wanting to watch this since I first saw the clips/info about it when it was being filmed. I should point out I have a slight background in BaGua, and have been interested in the concept of TaiChi for a while now.  Since I have been meaning to get into it for a while, I was interested in the Butterfly TaiChi with its advertised “Take just twenty minutes out of your day to practice the seven simple elegant movements of Butterfly Tai Chi you will feel healthier happier and more energised“. Twenty minutes a day? I can find time for that, especially it it does not require much floor space.

I watched the DVD last night, It comes in three parts 1)A Warm-up, 2)The Basic Set, & 3) Advanced set. The techniques are simple to follow, and the instructor explains the moves well including any health benefits. Unlike some other DVD’s I have seen in this area the moves were explained simply for people without any previous training, and instructions were given on how to adapt the moves while you are learning, and that its better to get the feeling right than exactly mimic the instructor on the screen. Overall the feeling from watching the DVD was almost like having a one on one session with a trainer in a friendly atmosphere than a more technical manual of what you should be doing.

I did not try out the moves (err something to do with beer in the temple fridge) but I am looking forward to planning to set aside some time to start following the system. And I’ll post a practitioners review after I’ve spent a while trying the moves.

For those interested in more information on Butterfly Tai Chi, you can visit the website at

RE: Doctors

My case of “Vampire Eye” was not getting any better, in fact it seemed to be getting actually worse, so yesterday I decided to get myself a check-up appointment at the Doctors. I was in luck and managed to get myself a 9am appointment.  So not long to wait to get some answers…..right?


Vampire Eye

I am suffering from the medical condition “Vampire Eyes” again. “What is Vampire Eye?“you ask, Well you should read some of the earlier blog posts where its mentioned in detail.  OK! I’m nice, I’ll  give a quick re-cap for the newer readers.


A weird eye infection that causes the eye infected to glow red, be extremely sensitive to sunlight, spend all day trying to close, and all night trying to open.

So if you’re wondering where I have been recently, I’m hiding in the dark avoiding all sources of light, like for example monitors.

Vampiric Eye.


Beware The Vampires Eye

Once again this year I have been struck down by the curse of the “Red Eye” or Allergic Conjunctivitis as some may call it.

This is the sixth or seventh time this has happened to me this year, and all but one of the times in my left eye.  By a similar coincidence they always come about after a warm day when we have the windows, or doors in the office open. I must be allergic to something new about, I must look into that.

Or! and this is a new theory I have come up with, My eye is slowly turning Vampiric. Well I’ve always had the natural fangs, and a slight loathing of bright sunlight. Now I have an eye that refuses to stay open during the day, and almost causes me to fall to my knees in pain if I go out into sunlight, Yet as soon as the sun sets and darkness falls it will not let me close it. Any attempt to close my eye for lets say “sleep” causes my eye to start watering until it swells in its socket causing pain against its eyelids, and water to pour from it none stop like from a tap.

Its very weird I tell you…. I am turning into a vampire….

Watch this space….

Chaos Seems To Follow Me.

I finally gave in to peer pressure and went to see the doctor about my eye.  So a quick in/out to get it confirmed I have conjunctivitis and need drops, get a prescription, and sorted, all under 10 minutes.

So I’m standing outside the door to the doctors, prescription in hand with a decision to make.

  1. Go to my normal Chemists (When I say normal, I’d not been there in 20 odd years)  Which means a drive to the local village, park wherever I can, walk to Chemists and collect my drops.
  2. Walk the 3 paces from my doctors door to the Chemists next door.

So I settle on the next door  Chemists, Wander in and hand over my prescription.  The chemist wandered off to her terminal

<tappity> <tappity> <tappity>

Chemist 1: “You’ve never been here before!

Me: “I never been ill before

So she starts to enter my details into the computer

<tappity> <tappity> <tappity>

Chemist 1: “How do you get to the next bit of the address, its wont go there?

Chemist 2: “err you hit that button, then type there

<tappity> <tappity> <tappity>

Chemist 3: “you just  move the mouse over there!

Chemist 1: “oh the mouse!

So they finally get my details entered into the computer, print off the labels, and come to give me my drops.

Chemist 1: “Here you go, sorry but your address printed out wrong, and you cant really read it”

Me: “err, its ok, I know where i live!

so. Doctors = 10 minutes, Chemists = 30minutes

Is it just me? Or does everyone else have these same problems?