I Have the Best (But Oddest) Friends

Apparently last night Geek Goddess Felicia Day Tweeted the following.

I did not see the tweet myself due to being asleep. What I did see was the emails waiting for me in my inbox, and the DM’s on Facebook/Twitter from different friends. Mostly along the lines of “Congratulations”, “How did you manage that”, “WOW, your fantasies have come true” and other variations on the theme.

For those of you with a confused look on your face, IN Uni I was referred to as “Pen” and my Uni friends, and SPOD friends from that time still call me Pen. Which makes the phrase “Pen exploded all over me.” a totally different meaning.

Friends. You Rock !m!.


Dear Reader

Well the 100 Day Challenge is 1/4 of the way through and for my 25th bit of creativity I wrote a letter to you my dear constant reader.

Original post can be found here -=> 2012: Day: 25 – Dear Reader

Greetings and Salutations

I decided to write you a letter, and this is it. Yes this —-=> here <=—-

So… The letter… How shall I begin?…

Let me count the ways I could begin.

  1. Dear You
  2. Oi Mush
  3. Ewwo
  4. Greetings and salutations
  5. Time for tubby bye bye??

But all these ways are just academic since I started with Greetings and Salutations at the top of the sheet of paper… So. Big Fuck Off Opening… Dum-De-Dum… Right, The letter…

Nope. It’s Gone, I can’t think of anything to write. My mind is blank, its as empty as a big empty container that’s totally empty. In the words of the poet, “I’m hanging from a cobweb in my mind, and I’m staring at a long way down.” I know, I’ll sing to myself and see if that help.

(Short Break While We Sing The Halloween Song)

OK. Back. Did you miss me? I missed me, but I’ve reloaded now and I don’t plan to miss me with my next shot. Want to come to my funeral? You welcome to come, but you have to dress as a small furry rodent.

Woo. Page two. I really should start the letter now, there is only so much gibbering that I can put down before you’ll decide to kill me… and I know you. You will kill me, cos. you hate me, really hate me, killed my babies and everything. So, without further ado I’ll start the letter…

But before I do. I just got to share the lyrics that were just sung “One minute you’re a looker who looked, and the next you’re a hooker who’s hooked” they don’t make songs like that any more… Probably for a reason!!!

I was going to do this letter carrying on from the last set of comments, but how do you reply to an insane person… you are mad… your comments prove it… just total inane ramblings, hum? I can just do total insane ramblings.Yes! That’s it, this letter will contain not one piece of sense. So, all I need now is a topic matter, and I know just the way to get it.

(Pause In Letter As The Good Catholic Boy Author Goes To SMS Someone for a Topic)

Back again and I now have a topic to talk about, yes we will discus the merits of “Glow In The Dark Sunglasses” Now personally I think that’s a brilliant idea. We all know how great sunglasses are from protecting the eyes from the harmful effects of sunlight. But a pair of sunglasses that protected the eyes from the harmful affects of glow in the dark stuff (Glow Sticks for example) well that would be a very handy thing for people to have, would make the world a much better place.  Forget Work! I’m going to make my fortune with “glow in the dark sunglasses”!!!

Bored Now!

Well it was a good idea, but I really was hoping you’d give me a topic that I could ramble on about for ages, but NO! You had to give me glow in the dark sunglasses! What am I supposed to do with an idea like that? I have no idea…

I really hope you can actually read this writing (please pretend I’m writing this to you with a real pen and everything. I feel it makes it more personal) cos. I’m not sure I can. Its like all scribbled up. Its spider scrawl, like a spider stepped into a tiny puddle of ink and walked all over a piece of paper leaving spider scribbles behind…

So. Big fuck off ending… how do we end, how do we start? That’s a bit deep and meaningful for this letter and especially this time of night so I’ll answer those and other questions like :-

  1. Who was that masked man?
  2. Is the Demonpengu an alien lifeform?
  3. Is the YoYoMan a lifeform?
  4. What is that strange growth there?
  5. Will I ever make sense?

Yes all these and other questions will be answered on the next instalment of “There’s nothing in wayne’s head”. Take care. You all drive safe, good night, and remember, if you’re in a different zip code it didn’t happen…

Yours in need of a new mind

Friday 13th 2012 – Part 3

Wow. Today is once again Friday 13th!!! Yes this is the third Friday the 13th we have had this year so far.

And its not any old year. No it is 2012 The end of days. And with three Friday the 13th so far I believe this may in fact be the end of days. The Zombies will rise, The undead will spew forth from forgotten graves, and the dead shall inherit the earth!!!

So let me wish you luck. And if we all survive I’ll see you next week!!!!!


So if you survive the day, why not show it proud with a “I survived” T-shirt, or keychain/sticker.




Genetically Engineered Animals Fight Back.

Ok, so you are probably looking at the title of this post and wondering “WTF is he on about now?” or maybe you think its a GM crop style post. Well Whatever is going through your mind right about now I bet its not what the content of this post is actually about.

So this morning on my daily commute to the Insane Asylum I was stuck behind a white van with a very odd logo on it and the term GEA United. *one second, I took a photograph to show you guys, and to check later to make sure I had not finally gone Insane* (Editor: “Whats do you mean gone?“)

If you look closely (Or embiggen it) you will notice the picture seems to be of a Black and Orange cow being chased off by a bunch of normal Black/White cows. Obviously the Orange cow is not a natural creature so it must have been Genetically Engineered, and since it is clearly running for its life, The other Cows must be attacking it because of its difference. Calling them Nazi Cows may be a bit strong, but we here at the Three Ninjas Temple have never been scared to speak our minds.

Since the Picture undoubtedly represents the oppressions and bullying that Genetically Engineered Animals have to deal with on a daily basis, the name “GEA United” becomes simple to work out. Genetically Engineered Animals United. Its some support group created to be the voice of the oppressed, and help out where they can. A worthy goal I say, for we can not let the Nazi Cows rule the world.

Yes, I know there is some editing of the photo, I have removed the license plate and phone numbers from the vehicle to help protect the vital work done by GEA United. So some of you may be thinking I coloured in the cow Orange, to you people I say two things, firstly “What kind of person would colour a cow Orange??” and secondly “here, I found this logo on the interwebz.

I would like you all to now take a moment out of your busy day and spare a thought about the heroic work done by these guys, and maybe make a donation the next time you see a oddly coloured talking animal out with a collection jar/bucket/tin.


Cold fusion Caller

I really wish this had been a conversation I had, but alas it was a conversation between a colleague (YoYoMan) and a cold caller.

Cold Caller (cc):  “So sir we are conducting a survey on how your home is supplied, may I ask where you get your electricity?”

YoYoMan (YYM):  “Yep we have a nuclear fission reactor under the house, this supplies us with our electricity.

CC:oh, is this provided by a company?

YYM: “nope I built it myself.

CC:ok how is your house heated? And who is your supplier?

YYM:well the house is heated by the cooling system for my reactor, it’s a bit of a pain in summer mind

CC:ok, so if I was to offer you a price comparison and was able to find you a cheaper supplier would you be interested?

YYM: “firstly no, as I built the reactor myself and it’s free electricity and heating, but do you have any information on companies that deal with air conditioning, and possibly someone to help deal with the reactive waste?

CC:what do you mean sir?

YYM:well I’m looking for someone who could take my spent fuel rod when the time comes, I don’t think it would be safe just to bury it in the back garden...”

CC:one moment sir I will speak to my supervisor“.

(hold music)

CC:I’m sorry sir my supervisor has advised I end this call.  Goodbye

Camping Chaos

So My Niece went camping with her Guide Group the weekend.

The woman in charge had been a guide leader for such a long time that she was actually the leader when my sister was in the guides. So she must have been running camping weekends for a stupid amount of years.

The camp started at 7PM on the Friday, by 1PM on the Saturday they had used up all the water supply they brought to last the full weekend, PLUS extra water my sister had dropped off with my niece due to them running out last year.

Yup. 1PM Sat I had a SOS phone call from my niece asking could I come to the camp, collect the water containers and go fill them up for them. The words Piss-up and Brewery spring to mind.

From The Bookshelf: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened ( A Mostly True Memoir)

Anyone who is not reading The Bloggess’s Blog really needs to start. Jenny is a wonderful writer, and her insane posts are the highlight of the week. Basically Go read her BLOG!!

No Wait. come back. Let me tell you about her book first, then go read her blog. Because once you start reading you will become a fan. Then as a fan you will want to read her book to find out what made Jenny into TheBloggess.

And believe me, If you read her book without laughing out loud then you are dead inside, or a zombie. Don’t be a dead inside zombie. Read this book.

Read about the time she defended her dead buried dog from furious vultures with a machete. Thats she had the machete because be serious vultures may be big but theres no way they could hold and use a machete???

Just read the book, I could make up all sorts of amazing and wonderful things you will read about in the book, but none would be as wonderful as the true stuff thats in there.

So Go now, read her blog while you wait for your copy of her book to arrive.. go.. run.. run like the zombies are after you, or Chupacabra..

I will give this book a 10/10

From The Bookshelf: Whitechapel: The Final Stand Of Sherlock Holmes


Sherlock V’s Jack the Ripper. In the grittiest, bloodiest Holmes book thats ever been written.

I must admit when I started reading this book I was not expecting the descriptive gruesomeness of the crimes, or the violence. And I will never look at Lestrade in the same way again. Yet somehow this more macabre version of these characters are more realistic than Doyle’s originals. I can see the police of Jack the Rippers day smashing open a few skulls in the investigation and not bothering with the niceties of red tape.

And you feel more for the characters, because of their flaws, and issues. And the ending??? I bet more than a few people have been reduced to tears in the last few pages of the story.

P.S. There is a “Gentleman’s Edition” of this book which I believe has more of the less savory bits edited out. But I would suggest you read the uncut copy, There is nothing that bad in there, and it adds realism to the story


I will give this book a 9/10

Inmates Assemble

Last night some of the Inmates at the asylum staged an escape, we went over the tunnel and through the wire before making a mad run through torrential rain into England for FREEEEEEEDOM and the Avengers movie. The escapees consisted of, DemonPengu, YoYoMan, Myself and a Hobbit. Why “and a Hobbit?” well I think all good stories should begin with …. and a Hobbit.

Now there may or may not have been an incident with the cinemas WiFi connection, and very poor security *cough* (default password) *cough* But thats a different story for another time. So Drinks, Popcorn, Chocolate & tickets were collected, and our team of escapees sat down ready to watch the film. And what a film!!!!

What can I say about this film?

Seriously! What can I say, This film is a sequel not only to IronMan I & II but also  The Hulk, Thor & Captain America. We are talking five MASSIVE action films all with their own main character, and these five sequels combined into one uber-film. And this is not to mention the other Main (But no individual films yet) characters of Hawk-eye, Black Widow, & Nick Fury.

As you would expect of this film, the action, effects, and heroness* are out of this world (And not just because there was an Alien Army, and two demi-gods involved). All in all, it was everything you would expect in an Action Film!

What you may not expect, and I know I for one did not expect it as the pure comedy gold this film contains. Its rare to hear an entire audience pissing themselves laughing in an action film, and during this film, the audience laughed a LOT!.  I have actually been to comedy films where the laughter was not as loud and honest as it was in this film.

So we have, Heroes, Villains, Action, Effects, Comedy, Fantasy Characters, Monsters, Space Army, Spy’s, Soldiers, Secret Organisations, Futuristic exo-armour, Gods, Heartbreak & romance. I was going to say all they were missing was a funny CGI/Animated talking pet until I remembered the Hulk. This film really does have everything!!!

Put simply. The four of us left the cinema after the film, stood outside and seriously considered going back in to see the next showing. And at least two of the Inmates did re-watch it the following night (i.e. tonight). I think thats testament to its awesomeness all by itself.

*Its a real word. I made it up and decided it is real!

The Three Ninjas inaugural Blogger of the Year Award

Welcome Dear Constant Reader to the Inaugural* Three Ninjas Award ceremony!**

In this our first set of awards, there is only One Category “Blogger of the Year” This award we will give to the person we vote as being the best blogger out there. Our team of craftsmen spent no expense in creating the physical award.

The nominations for “Blogger of the year are”

  1. Me
  2. Me
  3. Me

And the winner is…………*Drum Roll*………. ME!!!!

GN:Wow. guys!!!! I did not see this coming, I mean I was honored to be nominated, but never thought in a million years I would win.. Wow.. I’m like speechless……………………………man***

Me receiving my Award.

* Inaugural means first. M O O N that spells first ****

** Due to an interruption to the Insane Asylums Internet we were forced to find other ways to amuse ourselves.

*** In joke for people who get it

**** In Joke for King fans.