Dear Reader

by | Jul 26, 2012 | Other Blogs, 100 Day Challenge

Well the 100 Day Challenge is 1/4 of the way through and for my 25th bit of creativity I wrote a letter to you my dear constant reader.

Original post can be found here -=> 2012: Day: 25 – Dear Reader

Greetings and Salutations

I decided to write you a letter, and this is it. Yes this —-=> here <=—-

So… The letter… How shall I begin?…

Let me count the ways I could begin.

  1. Dear You
  2. Oi Mush
  3. Ewwo
  4. Greetings and salutations
  5. Time for tubby bye bye??

But all these ways are just academic since I started with Greetings and Salutations at the top of the sheet of paper… So. Big Fuck Off Opening… Dum-De-Dum… Right, The letter…

Nope. It’s Gone, I can’t think of anything to write. My mind is blank, its as empty as a big empty container that’s totally empty. In the words of the poet, “I’m hanging from a cobweb in my mind, and I’m staring at a long way down.” I know, I’ll sing to myself and see if that help.

(Short Break While We Sing The Halloween Song)

OK. Back. Did you miss me? I missed me, but I’ve reloaded now and I don’t plan to miss me with my next shot. Want to come to my funeral? You welcome to come, but you have to dress as a small furry rodent.

Woo. Page two. I really should start the letter now, there is only so much gibbering that I can put down before you’ll decide to kill me… and I know you. You will kill me, cos. you hate me, really hate me, killed my babies and everything. So, without further ado I’ll start the letter…

But before I do. I just got to share the lyrics that were just sung “One minute you’re a looker who looked, and the next you’re a hooker who’s hooked” they don’t make songs like that any more… Probably for a reason!!!

I was going to do this letter carrying on from the last set of comments, but how do you reply to an insane person… you are mad… your comments prove it… just total inane ramblings, hum? I can just do total insane ramblings.Yes! That’s it, this letter will contain not one piece of sense. So, all I need now is a topic matter, and I know just the way to get it.

(Pause In Letter As The Good Catholic Boy Author Goes To SMS Someone for a Topic)

Back again and I now have a topic to talk about, yes we will discus the merits of “Glow In The Dark Sunglasses” Now personally I think that’s a brilliant idea. We all know how great sunglasses are from protecting the eyes from the harmful effects of sunlight. But a pair of sunglasses that protected the eyes from the harmful affects of glow in the dark stuff (Glow Sticks for example) well that would be a very handy thing for people to have, would make the world a much better place.  Forget Work! I’m going to make my fortune with “glow in the dark sunglasses”!!!

Bored Now!

Well it was a good idea, but I really was hoping you’d give me a topic that I could ramble on about for ages, but NO! You had to give me glow in the dark sunglasses! What am I supposed to do with an idea like that? I have no idea…

I really hope you can actually read this writing (please pretend I’m writing this to you with a real pen and everything. I feel it makes it more personal) cos. I’m not sure I can. Its like all scribbled up. Its spider scrawl, like a spider stepped into a tiny puddle of ink and walked all over a piece of paper leaving spider scribbles behind…

So. Big fuck off ending… how do we end, how do we start? That’s a bit deep and meaningful for this letter and especially this time of night so I’ll answer those and other questions like :-

  1. Who was that masked man?
  2. Is the Demonpengu an alien lifeform?
  3. Is the YoYoMan a lifeform?
  4. What is that strange growth there?
  5. Will I ever make sense?

Yes all these and other questions will be answered on the next instalment of “There’s nothing in wayne’s head”. Take care. You all drive safe, good night, and remember, if you’re in a different zip code it didn’t happen…

Yours in need of a new mind
ME!!

From The Bookshelf: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened ( A Mostly True Memoir)

by | May 17, 2012 | Book Reviews

Anyone who is not reading The Bloggess’s Blog really needs to start. Jenny is a wonderful writer, and her insane posts are the highlight of the week. Basically Go read her BLOG!!

No Wait. come back. Let me tell you about her book first, then go read her blog. Because once you start reading you will become a fan. Then as a fan you will want to read her book to find out what made Jenny into TheBloggess.

And believe me, If you read her book without laughing out loud then you are dead inside, or a zombie. Don’t be a dead inside zombie. Read this book.

Read about the time she defended her dead buried dog from furious vultures with a machete. Thats she had the machete because be serious vultures may be big but theres no way they could hold and use a machete???

Just read the book, I could make up all sorts of amazing and wonderful things you will read about in the book, but none would be as wonderful as the true stuff thats in there.

So Go now, read her blog while you wait for your copy of her book to arrive.. go.. run.. run like the zombies are after you, or Chupacabra..

I will give this book a 10/10

From The Bookshelf: Whitechapel: The Final Stand Of Sherlock Holmes

by | May 11, 2012 | Book Reviews

BEST SHERLOCK BOOK EVER…

Sherlock V’s Jack the Ripper. In the grittiest, bloodiest Holmes book thats ever been written.

I must admit when I started reading this book I was not expecting the descriptive gruesomeness of the crimes, or the violence. And I will never look at Lestrade in the same way again. Yet somehow this more macabre version of these characters are more realistic than Doyle’s originals. I can see the police of Jack the Rippers day smashing open a few skulls in the investigation and not bothering with the niceties of red tape.

And you feel more for the characters, because of their flaws, and issues. And the ending??? I bet more than a few people have been reduced to tears in the last few pages of the story.

P.S. There is a “Gentleman’s Edition” of this book which I believe has more of the less savory bits edited out. But I would suggest you read the uncut copy, There is nothing that bad in there, and it adds realism to the story

 

I will give this book a 9/10

From The Bookshelf: Heat Wave

by | May 2, 2011 | TV Shows, Book Reviews

What a brilliant piece of MetaFiction this is:

For those of you who have been kept locked in a box for the last few years, or believe Television is the work of Satan’s minions and as such avoid the evil gogglebox for more spiritual activities, I guess I should start with a quick recap of what Castle is.

Castle is a TV show about Richard Castle, a best-selling author who decides to tag along with a NYPD team as they investigate cases, since he is using Detective Kate Beckett as his inspiration in a new series of books.

Since in the TV show Castle (Played by Nathan Fillion) is writing a book inspired by Beckett, the book gets mentioned a lot in the first season, even to the point of showing the proposed Cover, and its launch/release. You even see the characters reading the book in some episodes, as well as discussing a certain sex scene that’s a bit raunchy.  There is nothing special in this, since a lot of TV shows make mention of Books, Films, Etc. that are apparently going on in the background. And there are a lot of shows that will do spin off books.  What the producers of Castle have done, and done brilliantly is to release a bit of metafiction.  They actually released the book that was supposedly written in the show. The covers the same, the plot,s the one mentioned in the show, the sex scene on page number 105 is there, and even better the Thanks page, bio, writers name, everything is written as if the character Richard Castle wrote the book. He thanks his daughter & mother, the guys from NYPD the works. All in all this is a brilliant bit of meta-fiction,

But what about the book itself?

It’s actually a good book, its very similar to an episode of castle, only its about a newspaper reporter who is travelling around with the NYPD gang solving a crime. The style is like the show, comedy mixed with action, mixed with chemistry. The only real difference is the book is darker, more violent, and more explicit (but not in a bad way) Hell there is no way you could get away with the female lead being totally naked and using an iron to melt half the face off an armed assailant intent on raping her, but in a book? alls fair.

This book is an enjoyable read even if you are one of the people who have never watched an episode of Castle. And I would recommend it as a read to anyone, you will enjoy it. In fact I will give it a 7/10 as a generic book.

But if you watch the TV show, and can appreciate the work gone into linking the book with the show, then I give it a 9/10.

From The Bookshelf: Blacklands

by | Mar 18, 2011 | Book Reviews

‘Dear Mr Avery,
I am looking for WP. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
SL, 111 Barnstaple Road, Shipcott, Somerset.’

He was only twelve, he reasoned; he couldn’t be expected to get stuff like writing to serial killers right first time.

 

Belinda Bauer

Blacklands is the début novel by Belinda Bauer, and as first books go you cant do better then having it become an International Bestseller, and winning the The Crime Writers Association Gold Dagger award for Best Crime Novel of the Year.

But what about the story itself? (more…)