Some people seem to want me to hurt them!

I’m not antisocial: I’m just not user friendly!

I’m almost positive he’s doing it on purpose! In fact I am tempted to bring a shinai to the meeting tomorrow and teach the customer, not to mess with me!

I’m working on MPD‘s project. Now it was decided I was only doing the fancy backed magic that makes it all work, leaving a very boring, plane, basic front for a web designer to work his magic on.

That was the theory! only MPD has decided to do the web design himself to save money. He also plans on doing all future updates/tweaks to the code. Now on the whole I am in favour of the customers looking after their own sites once they are finished. As long as they know what they are doing, alas MPD has no skills in web design/programing/IT, But its all ok, He’s going to learn as he goes (and theres a two week going live turn around on the new system)

So, I have two weeks to write a full, multi user, multi site site, all complex stuff, and while I am doing this, he is writing the style and content on the same site i’m working on. And I’m sure he’s trying to see if he can make me explode.  Some examples :-

Last wednesday I turn up for work, open up his site and stare blankly as all my links, and options are gone. Nothing, blank screen. Well that should be “apparently a blank screen” for all the data was there, it was just written in white writing on a white background. So quick email to the bloke asking basically “WHY?” to which it takes several follow up emails to point out “everything’s now white?” it really did take several emails.

Last Friday I refresh the form I’m working on for it all to vanish, well the labels were there, just all the data entry bits were gone. Now this time I was more prepared for it and checked, and sure enough it was there just invisible.  Turns out he’s writing the style for IE and it does not work on other browsers.

No wonder their old developers quit.

CN

Why oh Gods, Why?

So we have a new customer, lets call him “MPD“.

Simple job (in theory) He’s fallen out with his web designers/holders and needs his site putting up somewhere else,  (or he split from company and wants to go into competition, I did not ask which). Now he had a copy of his site, and database, so it just needed uploading, and tweaking so it could pretend to be dozens of different companies… Easy!

OK, data uploaded, db converted from access to mysql, testing site…. Part doesn’t work. Checking… OK we missing loads of tables, inform MPD and get “oh, didn’t i give you latest version!” new DB got, uploaded…

So yesterday afternoon MPD came into the Insane Asylum under pretense of getting a quote for a site re-write. But no! all afternoon spent going over code “tweaking things” since the code is not a live version and has bugs. And its written by the person who hid the bible code in the bible.

At one point i spent 2 hours trying to find a file in use to fix one problem, only to find out MPD had put wrong values in.!!! Arrrggghhhhh!!!!

Then this morning, MPD phones up again to say the site mysteriously stopped working since it was fixed day before. After checking, i notice the files have a timestamp on them of midnight, so i check he did nothing to them “no i done nothing.!” “no i done nothing” “oh. you mean change things, yes i did that

MPD only uploaded code copy from his laptop overwriting my changes!

I HATE CUSTOMERS!!!

CN

Tech Support – How Can We Help You?

Every so often I like to entertain myself by logging into the Support system and scanning the pending requests. And Occasionally offering words of wisdom to the support technicians.I just spotted this one and thought I would share (personal details ***d out for security).

PLEASE RESOLVE THE PROBLEM OF MY RECEIVING EMAIL

FROM MY ****@*****.**.** from PARTIES I REGARD AS UNDESIRABLE AND COULD
BE DANGEROUS.

Many thanks
*****

My Suggestion would be to turn off her email account, that way noone can mail her, I could send her a sensible sugestion on spam filtering, black/white listing, and such, But alas I think I’m dangerous and she requests no emails from any undesirable and dangerous people.

CN

Busby Pt. 6

Now as you are aware I have not broke Busbys systems since going live with the project, I was thinking it was all flowing well and they had got “used” to me now, so end of all problems…

Then came the Xmas shutdown period, and I came back to work tried to log into the Busby firewall with me Actividentity card, and eye scan, DNA tests, etc only to get told “Account Disabled“? Moi? Account Disabled, do they not know who I am?

So i drop an email to my contacts there asking wtf? and after my main technical contact tried everything he was capable off he admitted defeat and passed the problem up the food chain to the Sys.Admin. Which was nice of him… Then 30 minutes later I get an email from said Admin, along the lines of!

“We do not deal with user account problems, please go phone the normal customer helpline.”

Use the normal helpline, that the average mortal off the street would use? Do they not know who I am? We’ll see about that.

A further 30 minutes later and i get a phone call from the sys.admin who sent me the email.

“Hi, yes Our Boss was in a meeting earlier, and just popped in, err it seems we are authorised to help you with your problem, and err she asked could we do it as a priority, so ignore my earlier email, I’ll get it all sorted for you”

Harmony has returned to the Universe, Moi? The CodeNinje a mear mortal? I dont think so.. ;o)

See dear Reader, It may sometimes be “what you know” but its always “Who you know”

CN

IT workers + Coffee = Peace

There should be a form of Caffeine-Breathalyser fitted to all computers that prevent incoming emails unless the operator has a sufficient amount of caffeine in their system to cope with lUsers.

For my example I shall use my morning.

9am: Get into office, log into everything, say good morning to fellow staff, people on the internet, go grab coffee. (1st work coffee off day)

9:45: Check emails (Caffeine levels too low) Receive email from “FFS” Email basically states with lots of SHOUTY emphasis that I have not set up a live & development server correctly, and have set both to be same machine, with no access to development one, The email then goes on to list the server specs at me.

Now. This is where the caffeine lockout should have been enforced. Unfortunatly, due to this IMPORTANT piece of IT hardware not being yet invented, there was nothing preventing me replying to the email, and CC’ing the MD of FFS in as well for good measure. Basically pointing out the ineptatude of the developer emailing me, and the fact he has no clue as to what he is doing, did not bother checking, or doing anything before disturbing me. It was a work of pre-caffeine level Rant-Art.

10:16: MD of FFS emails a groveling appology.

Please, will someone invent the Caffeinalizer cutout?

Busby Pt. 4

It gets better…
After a week trying to evaluate My last “Data FileBusby have decided they are unable to evaluate the data due to their system still being broke from my last test. So to speed things up they are simply granting me access to their Live system as of Friday.

Oh the power… A new system to find the bugs in…