Formspring: Best Question Ever!

I was recently asked on Formspring a question that I thought was the best question I have ever been asked. I was so impressed with the random question I thought I would share it with you.

If an unstoppable force comes to an immovable object, what is the result?

WOW! Quick I need @dontrythis, 5lbs of C4, & a ton of Thermite STAT!. We’re going to do SCIENCE!!!!

Well to have an immovable object, you have to accept that no force in the Verse can move it. No nukes, no exploding suns, no black holes, no BIG BANGS, nothing. This would imply that the object exists in a slightly different phase/vibration/dimension to the physical world that we live in.

The unstoppable force would then pass directly through the immovable object without interacting with it, since they must by definition exists in different planes. so my answer is… They pass without interacting with each other.

Best Question Ever!

GN

Crash & Burn… The Wingman Chronicles

I was talking to a friend recently, and for some reason I can not recall the conversation drifted to pulling, Helping friends pull, and things you can do. It was one of them weird conversations that just seem to jump from tangent to tangent with not visible pattern.

During this part of the conversation I pointed out that I’d never been any good at being a WingMan. In my mind, I see great ways to help the guy get the person he wants, there’s just some cosmic force that always takes my great plans and twists them slightly so they are doomed to fail. To prove my point I gave the following story as an example, and I’ve decided to share it with you dear reader.

I leaned against the wall enjoying the loud music that was blasting out from the several walls of speakers set about the room. I had a cold beer in my hand, and there was nothing I needed to be doing for a while, so I could take a minute to just enjoy the moment and the beer. An elbow banging into my side interrupted my contemplation of the girl dancing in front of me.  “WOW!” a voice said in time with the elbow. I looked at the guy standing next to me as he pointed across the dance floor to a rather cute goth girl dancing on her own on the opposite side to us. “WOW!” he said again, “Have you ever seen someone so awesome?”

I should really set the scene. It helps with the general idea of what happened, and how it all came about if I explain a few things first. I also think that the possibly high alcohol content in my blood may help my defence. “Well it can’t hurt right?

University exam season had just finished, and some friends of mine from Aberystwyth Uni were throwing a “end of exams, plus Triple Birthday Party!” Party. My last exam had been early that morning, and I’d shot straight from the exam down to Aberystwyth to help set up the room ready for the party.  We had got the use of a pub’s basement area for the night, It was a large room, with a dance floor, seating area, and chill out area. It was perfect for a student party.

I’d had a couple of cold beers with the DJ, as we set up his equipment, the speakers, and tested it all out. Its thirsty work you know, lugging about all that equipment, running out cables, getting it all set up just right. My main role of the evening was to be door man checking tickets at the start of the evening, then a bit of DJing to give the main DJ a break. (Beer Count: 2 pints during setup)

One of my friends, who was also one of the three people celebrating their birthday at the party had her sixteen year old brother up visiting for the party. It was his first time at such a party, since they came from a small welsh village, and as he’d met me a few times while I’d been visiting his sister, he was spending the evening hanging out with me. This was handy since he was too young to get served, I was getting him a drink in my round, then going to bar with his money for his round. (Beer Count: 5 or 6 pints). A couple of hours into the party, one of the other “Birthday People” and myself decided the ration of “hot girls” to everyone else was a bit on the low side and something needed doing about it. That something was a quick pub crawl around Aberystwyth handing out tickets to every cute, or interesting person we met on the way. (Beer Count: Well and truly unknown) . I’d not long got back to the party, got a round in and was enjoying my drink when my friends brother spotted the to quote “girl of his dreams“.

“She does look interesting. You want to meet her?” I grabbed his shoulder and dragged him with me across the dance floor, ignoring his mumbled objections and the rising tone of panic in his voice. She stopped dancing as I came to a stop in front of her, I introduced myself, my tongue tied companion, and asked her name. Introductions been done, I mentally took a step back and let him make his move. I waited, and waited, and slowly realised I may have to do more work in my self appointed role of WingMan!

‘ok, this is not going well’ I thought, and asked “Drinks?”. “err yes, err its my round I think, errr do you want a drink?” he nervously asked her, ‘YES!’ I shouted in my mind, ‘its a start, he’s offering her a drink’. I quickly asked what everyone wanted, and wandered off to the bar slowly to give them a chance to talk… When I returned with the drinks, they were just standing there not speaking ‘Rats! I need to do something’.

The something I decided to do was to relocate the three of us to some comfortable seats to the side of the dance floor where it was quieter and easier to talk. ‘WOW, that’s a brilliant idea’ I thought to myself in response to the suggestion my mind had just given me to help break the ice. “Hold my drink for a minute will you?” I asked her, “I’ll be right back”. I looked about for the guy I’d done the pub craw with, and wandered over to him. “Hi Dave, You got that purity test on you?”

While we had been on our pub crawl handing out tickets, we had made a side stop at a computer lab and printed out a couple of copies of the 500Q purity test for fun and games at the party. Now my mind’s suggestion had been to grab a copy of the test, and convince the girl to sit it. This should give information of how easy she was, what she had done, what she was willing to do, and create many openings for flirting. “What could go wrong?” What indeed.

A short while later, and she’s sat in between us sitting the test. She is not hiding her answers so its easy to see what she has done, not done, and willing to do. ‘USE IT AS AN OPENING’ I’m shouting in my mind to the lad on the other side of her, ‘YOU ARE MISSING A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY!!! DO SOMETHING’. I sigh, this is not working, so I try coughing and pointing to her results, I try miming what he should say to her.”So you never done that?” I ask, “Really? never”. I wiggle my eyebrows at him, and point at her with my eyes for him to offer to rectify the situation. ‘SIGH’.

A short time later as she was nearing the final few questions, I grew desperate. His window of opportunity was closing, and getting smaller and smaller. I had to act, and act fast. I leaned across the girl sliding under her arms so I could still see the paper she was using to mark her scores. With my head resting in her lap, I looked up at my friends brother, “You idiot. She’s almost finished and you’re missing your chance” He just growled at me, ‘Humm maybe he didn’t understand me, I’ll try again’ “Look, she’s just marked she’s never done that, its a perfect time to ask her about it, you could even offer to help her rectify the situation” He growled more. “Come one, the point of the purity test is to laugh at those with the highest score, and see how easy people are for the end of the night.” He looked at me with hate in his eyes. “Shit, you really never done that but want to?” I asked her in shock at her latest answer. She just patted me on the head. He muttered and looked away.

It was at that point I decided the situation was not going to get better with any amount of help, so I stopped helping. We laughed and joked about the test, and the questions for a bit. All the while with my friends brother just sulking, then I was called away to cover the music for a while, leaving them alone.  As I was playing some music, I spotted they were just sitting there not talking, then after a while she got up and walked off to dance. And that was the end of that.

Personally I think I created an unbelievable amount of once in a lifetime openings for the lad. But maybe I was wrong, and its truly just another example of my inability to play the role of the WingMan.

Purple haze all in my brain, Lately things just don’t seem the same

It’s a really small world you know. Even without the Interweb making it smaller and smaller every year. It used to be said that the “Human Web” covering the world meant that any person on the planet is at most just “Six degrees of Separation” from any other person on the planet.  This was in the early part of the 20th century. These days with the advent of the Interwebs and Social Networking, I believe that number is a lot smaller.

Q:Why are you muttering about this 6 degrees rubbish?

A:Hang on. Give me a minute, I’m getting to the point now. Sheesh! Everyone’s a critic!

Yesterday I was talking to my Niece (She’s about 12) and she was telling me about one of her mothers cool friends. Someone my Sister met a few years ago while she was running a pub in Wrexham, and became great friends with. So my Niece is telling me some story and says “you don’t know *GirlsName* but she’s great”  When she mentioned the Girls name I blinked, “*GirlsName*? Oh I know her, I’ve known her for many years!” Which made my Niece protest, there was no way I could have known this girl for years, since her mother has only known her for about 2 years.  So I told her a story from my past that she could use to prove I knew the Girl.

Since it brought back happy memories of days gone by, I thought I’d share it here.

It was many many years ago. (Something like 1999/2000, I forget exactly) and I was out on a pub crawl that started in Oswestry and ended up in Wrexham. There was three of us on the Pub Crawl, Myself, Ax & Kooper. We ended up in the “Kings Head”, where we bumped into *GirlsName* and her friend, and had a drink with them. When we got kicked out for making a mess.

I should stop my narration for a moment to point out something to those of you who were unlucky, and never got to drink in the “Kings”. Now this pub was a Dive. You know those pub’s where parents warn their daughters not to drink in? This one they warned their sons away from.  The plaster was falling off the walls, the seats were ripped and broken, everything was covered with layers of old cigarette smoke. And as for the carpets? A girlfriend of mine once kneeled on the floor to pick something up, and got severe ammonia burns on her knee/leg. This place was that bad. On the plus side, it had loads of pool tables guaranteeing you always got a game, the beer was cheep and it only played rock music. I mention this so you can understand the shame I felt for being kicked out “For making a mess”. Now back to the story.

In all the mess of the pub, they had one object of pride and joy. A pool table with purple felt and balls that glowed under the overhead black lights. Now this evening no one was playing on this table, I was sitting on the end of it drink in hand, and *GirlsName* was sat next to me, and we were harmlessly flirting. (A bit tactless of me as two X’s were sat on a table in front of us).

The rest of our group were stood about, when one of the Barstaff notice someone had spilt their Pint all over the table. We of course all denied anything to do with it, and we would have got away with it as well, only Ax decided to speed up the proof we were innocent by standing in front of the BarStaff and holding up his empty hands said “It cant be us, look I don’t even have a drink!” Which only helped condemn us. Empty pint glass on table, beer everywhere, and a empty handed person standing next to it.  I would not mind but that night he was our designated driver, and not drinking.

So we were kicked out. *GirlsName*’s friend said they really had to leave as *GirlsName* had work early in the morning. So being the Gentlemen we were, We offered to walk them to the Bus station. Which went well at the start. Alas I have a really small boredom threshold. So when we started walking past a road that led to my Second Favourite pub at the time, I grabbed *GirsName* threw her over my shoulder and ran off with her to the Pub to continue drinking.  This action caused her friend to go mad, lots of raised voices, and a deal that we all have another drink, and our designated driver would give them a lift home, so all would be fine.

I’ll end the story there, Since the main two facts. 1)Getting kicked out of the Kings, and 2) Being thrown over my shoulder and kidnapped to a pub, should have been enough to prove to my niece that I’ve known *GirlsName* for many years.

Notes:

Today’s Post Title is from the classic “Purple Haze” by Jimi Hendrix. And was the first Song with Purple in its title that I thought off. The colour Purple plays an important part in all my memories of the aforementioned girl.

*GirlsName* is used because I do not like using Peoples IRL Names without first checking its OK with them.

Weekend Wanderings

This weekend was a throwback to the early days of this blog.  In fact before this blog even existed, back when the halls of livejournal echoed with the insane ramblings of the staff at the Insane Asylum, When “The Mentalist” was a code word for “I need Help” and not the name of a rather good TV show, When most solutions could be found after the call of “Quick! to the Venn Diagram”, way back when…..

I had an appointment to meet up with planetpete that was several months in the organising. Well The original meet up date had been several months ago, but due to one thing and another, and general crapness of blokes to organise things it had taken months to come to happen, but happen it did. The plan was simple. “Meet at a pub half way between his & mine at 8:30″.  The simple plans are often the best.

So I spend the afternoon being very productive, teaching my 11yr old niece to play Fable II for me and work as blacksmith/woodcutter to make me lots of money.  And at about 4ish get a text from MrAx saying he was up in the area for a one night flyover and was anything going on. “Hey, kill two birds with one stone!” So I dragged him along with me to the meeting (It helped he offered to drive so I could drink).

The night started interestingly. 1st We got lost. Well not really lost just diverted by a closed roundabout, then drove round in circles on the longest trip to cover the shortest distance as my directions were ignored. 2nd When we got to the pub, MrAx decided to drive into a low stone wall, breaking the top stone off. 3rd The original drinks we ordered were canceled as they barrel ran out (after barmaid had filled two pint glasses with foam).

Luckily things picked up from there. The replacement drinks were a very nice ale suggested by the nice barmaid. Planetpete and nellsworld turned up, and much random junk was talked, interrupted occasional by nellsworlds titters and exclamations of “Those cows are getting it On!”  More drinks followed, then it was time to say goodbye and head back into Wrexham for more drinks, and live music.

The Music was BAD, very very BAD. So the plans changed into a wander around the pubs of Wrexham trying to find one playing rock music. This was an impossible task, which did lead to one interesting moment as I bumped into my eldest nephew who was wandering about in bright red shorts, and a very yellow t-shirt on.  Who then spent ages trying to explain he was not dressed like that because he wanted to, but was out on his girlfriends 18th birthday night out and they were all dressed as lifeguards. I think he had been drinking lots, as he had already told me this plan earlier in the day when i saw him.

The quest for a pub playing decent music, or no music at all failed, the plans changed to drinking at mine while watching “Lesbian Vampire Killers“..

Much reminiscing, old sk00l quotes and jokes, and mentions of old friends….

Final Words

So dear readers, consider the good old days of your life, and try to keep in touch with old friends.  Its easier to let friendships slip away in these busy days, but the effort in keeping them pays back a million times more.

Demos & Dogs

Well Saturday went differently from planned.

I was supposed to be taking part of a Martial Arts demo at a school fete on Saturday afternoon, but alas it was called off at short notice, so I found myself at a loose end…

But luckily as phoned to let me know the good/bad news he mentioned that he was off with to take Jeff for a walk over the hills, and invited me along..

So a good afternoon was had, Its been years since i went for a walk through the countryside, I’d forgotten how much I used to enjoy it, ok, my legs moaned at me the following day for using them more than I normally do, but it was worth it. Nice walk, nice countryside, nice weather, Nice pint or two later.. And most importantly Jeff…