How to cheat Speed Cameras

I just thought I would share this technical tip on how to make sure you do not get any speeding tickets from fized mounted speed cameras.


SQL Injection number plate

Best Senior Citizen Joke……..Ever!

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.

Her neighbour asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?

The little silver haired lady says,   “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.

Her neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.

He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh …………


From the Archive: Were Ninja

We at the Insane Asylum have been running some updates on our antiquated control systems, and during this update I had cause to check the Polychronicon that is the Asylums Wiki.  While trying to find the list of perl modules we need to re-install after a major update to allow some of the older systems to continue working (Which I could not find) I came across an odd link to an article simply titled “Were Ninja” Intrigued I had a quick read, and memories of the old days came back, especially of the “Were Ninja” Himself.  So I’m reprinting the article here.

Were Ninja

I have been researching a rumor I heard, about strange occurrences in some of the local woods. of a dark figure fleetingly seen from the corner of the eye, strange symbols, glyphs tracks. And most concernedly the noises and screams that echo out of the darkness.

I can now give a slight insight to these happenings..

It starts with a quick 10 minute job after hours, a job that ended up taking longer than was expected, It started with a man tired after hours of staring at a monitor, a man too tired to know what he was doing, It starts with an innocent chain-letter email, one that had to be sent out to a dozen people within thirty minutes or else.

It starts with someone we will call Mr X. He was a normal mild mannered I.T. professional, but one day while taking a break from his work he read his e-mail, the stuff he would normally just junk. It was while reading this e-mail he stumbled upon the book of e-vile! He innocently read out allowed the text from the satanic summoning kanji of death. And because the smtp server was down he could not fulfill the requirements of the chain-letter and the chain was broken, allowing him to be possessed by the spirit of a were-ninja from 14th century japan.

Now on nights where theres a moon he roams the welsh countryside. doing unspeakable things

Nothing compares to a penguin.

I have recently reconnected with some old friends on various Social Networking sites, and we have been catching up and reminding each other of various stories and escapades from the past. I will probably post a few of the more “safe” stories on here at some point.  Until then, and to counter the last post of mine which was political, here is a series of quotes that were recorded at the 1997 Birmingham Spod meet (See I told you I would Post them! I just needed to find the bit of paper)

Basically someone said something that sounded “dodgy” so a pen & paper was found and people started making a list of all the innocent things said that could be taken out of context and sound “iffy”. There was a running count being kept of who was winning.


Wanted Ad: 1 Worshiper

Quick Request.

I need a worshiper, apparantly I am one person short from being accepted as a God by so if anyone would like to sign up to worshiping me, it would be greatly appreciated.

EDIT: That is, Will accept I am a God, Not that I am his god.

Wendy The Sheep

Wendy had jumped onto the bike and
zoomed off at full tilt down into the
valley to the shop, and she was half-
way there before she realised not only
that she couldn’t ride a bicycle, but
that she was, in fact, A sheep,
Then she fell off…