There has been a lot of online discussion about the possible Laws/Bills in America allowing those who object to refuse to serve same-sex couples, and how it is a major step backwards in the evolution of America. I am not going to discuss it here because it has been well covered in other places.

Last night on Facebook someone asked the question :-

I want to know.. If 2 people of the same gender go to a hotel in one of these states that are talking about allowing banning gay people, would they have to somehow prove that they are straight to stay there?

This led to a long comment conversation on possible ways, and the flaws with them. These ways included such test as :-

The Monty Python Test.

What organisation uses a rainbow as its symbol? The LGBT Movement. What is colourful like a rainbow? A peacock.  So, if we weight a person and they way the same as a Peacock, then we know they are gay.

The Weird Pervert Test.

Hotel funded inspection prostitutes. Trained to sleep with customers and evaluate how much they enjoyed it.

 The first test got the response of “WTF???” I am assuming there were none python people in the conversion.  and the second got responses of “ewwwww!!!!!”

Which led to a more sensible conversation, and testing amongst the people involved. I should point out there were Engineers & Scientists involved in this discussion, and after many formulas, maths, & good old-fashioned trial and error we actually came up with a test that was accurate 100% of the time.

I am going to describe the process here, but we are patent-pending the test with the view to selling them and making a small fortune. After all we have the only fool-proof test in existence.

The Science Test.

This test is based on the fact that saliva undergoes a chemical change when the person is sexual aroused. Which suggests a link between sexual preference and the cells of the tongue.

  1. Take a piece of Litmus paper (The colour changing properties of it come in handy).
  2. SECRET STEP. I am leaving this step out so no one else steals our idea. But it is a basic household ingredient applied to the Litmus paper.
  3. Get the Test subject to drink an acidic drink, (any soda will do). This helps looses the cells on the tongue and remove any blocking material.
  4. Get the Test subject to lick the Litmus paper (You get better results if they can keep some liquid in their mouth when making contact with the paper)
  5. Check Paper. If it is wet/damp then the Test subject is normal, if the paper remains dry then they are Abnormal and you are safe to refuse to serve them.