Sometimes I am a Dick

*Phone rungs*

Me:Good afternoon, Insane Asylum!

Caller:Hi. can I speak to Joan Crawshore please.

Me:Who? Sorry no one of that name here.”

Caller:Sorry it’s who I have down as a contact there, well who can I talk to about changing your power supplier.”

Me:Humm. that would be a Dave Jones”

Caller:Can I speak to them please?

Me:Sorry, He’s on holiday atm. He’ll be back in 2 weeks.

Caller:Thanks, I’ll call back then.

 

Two weeks later :-

 

*Phone rungs*

Me: “Good afternoon, Insane Asylum!

Caller: “Hi. can I speak to Dave Jones please.

Me: “Who? Sorry no one of that name here.”

Caller: “Sorry it’s who I have down as a contact there, well who can I talk to about changing your power supplier.”

Me: “Humm. that would be a Thomas Evens”

Caller: “Can I speak to them please?

Me: “Sorry, He’s on holiday atm. He’ll be back in 2 weeks.

Caller: “Thanks, I’ll call back then.

 

Two weeks later :-

 

*Phone rungs*

Me: “Good afternoon, Insane Asylum!

Caller: “Hi. can I speak to Thomas Evenss please.

Me: “Who? Sorry no one of that name here.”

Caller: “Sorry it’s who I have down as a contact there, well who can I talk to about changing your power supplier.”

Me: “Humm. that would be a Susan Jenkins”

Caller: “Can I speak to them please?

Me: “Sorry, She’s on holiday atm. She’ll be back in 2 weeks.

Caller: “Thanks, I’ll call back then.

 

This may have been going on for several months now….

I’m slowly running out of made up names.

 

Conversations with Customers

CodeNinja: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hi, I am on holiday…..”

CN: *interrupting* “You phoned up to tell us you’re on holiday? that’s a bit of a Dick move isn’t it?”

C: “What?? No I’m on Holiday at the minute……”

CN: *Interrupting again* “So you thought you would phone us to rub it in, thanks…”

C: “but…”

CN: *Interrupting and speaking to DemonPengu who was in the room* “Hey, this is great, he’s phoned up just to boast he is on holiday the git!!”

C: “No i didn’t….”

DP: “Who is it?”

CN: *To DP* “X from X”

C: “hello???? I’m still here”

DP: *speaking loudly at the phone* “GIT!!!”

C: “hey, I’m on holiday but customers keep phoning”

CN: “They do that.”

C: “Yes, it’s annoying”

CN: “Yes it is, you are trying to do something and they keep phoning you, and they are always whining about some trivial thing or another”

C: “exactly. it’s very annoying…….” *Pauses as he realises in this conversation he is the whining customer* “err, anyway they have broke their emails, can you disable SPF checks for them for now”

CN: “Not a problem, just drop the request to us on an email, we need a paper trail”

C:But I’m on holiday? everything’s shut down for xmas, can’t you just do it.”

CN: “Yes, as soon as I get an email request I can do it.”

C: “Come on, don’t be an arse”

CN: “says the guy who phoned us to boast he was on holiday”

*INSERT 10 minutes general grumbling as he goes to turn on his home computer, logs into his work account to send the request all the time insulting me*

C: “Right, I sent the bloody request, when will you be able to do the change?”

CN: “Oh that, I did it 15 minutes ago when you first asked.”

C: “AAAAARRRRRSEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!”

CN: “Happy Holidays!”

Dear Constant Reader I should point out that the customer in this conversation is one who often laughs and jokes around with us here, and often phones me for advice/help with his personal engineering/electronic/computing projects.

Customers are Special

So the other day the Support Guys were a bit confused over a request in the Ticketing system.

Subject: Website URL’s

Please could you set the following websites to point to IP 192.168.123.2

www.******.co.uk
www.******.co.uk
www.******..co.uk
www.******..co.uk
www.******..co.uk
www.******..co.uk

******= to protect identity.

The more observant amongst you will have noticed that is a Local IP address, and if Websites are pointed at it they will not work for anyone else in the world. So We queried the IP, and asked them to double check.

Imagine our surprise when they responded telling us that was what their IT company was saying needed to be done, or they would not be able to create email accounts on the exchange server.

Yes. Apparently an IT form needed websites pointing to a 192.168. Local address before they could create new accounts on an Exchange server on a different IP range/network.

This leads us to a conflict of interest.

Professionalism V “The Customer is always Right”

Vote in comments to help us decide!!

Funny Support Emails

Dear Constant Reader,

I got into the Insane Asylum this morning to find the following email on your support system, and it was too amusing not to share 😉

Enjoy!

F*cking iPhones. His iPad has exactly the same settings as his iPhone. iPad connects and retrieves email. iPhone does not. Have advised him to test it against a brick wall.

iShit really is the spawn of the Devil. You would NOT believe the problems I have with them (or perhaps you might). Wi-fi connection seems a favourite one. Happy to connect to one AP but not another (same manuf, same encrypt etc…).

They are as shi**y as a very shi**y thing.

You can tell I’m not happy.

Ps. Until a few months ago I had a mac. Just for testing purposes. I need blood pressure medication and I had to get rid of it for medical reasons. The day some dork won the eBay bid was one of the happiest of my life…

Internet? We don’t need no Stinking Internet!

So We have a slight issue here at the Insane Asylum. The ADSL Line that out VoIP server is on can not keep a sync, The second it connects up it then disconnects. It has been doing this for two days now.

This is bad enough, but not something we could not deal with since we have two internet lines coming into the building. But Our main line is behaving just a “Tad” better. It can stay connected for a whole FOUR minutes before dropping the connection.

Hey, The Internet in four minute segments is not that bad right? How about the speed of that line has dropped due to the constant disconnects and is now syncing up at a WHOPPING 0.5Meg.

This is no where near enough to supply the amount of people here trying to work. So even thought we were able to do a bit of creative patching and got an old style phone working (One phone for all the numbers coming into the building) We do not have enough of a connection to the Net for us to do any work even if you were lucky enough to get us on the phone.

There is just one question remaining.

Who has the board games?