The Rise of the Hammer Gnome

I was minding my own business this morning in work when someone brought in a delivery for me.  I was not expecting anything, nor I had not ordered anything, so you could imagine my confusion.

 

Me: “Why have I got a box? I never have a box!”
Everyone Else: “Why don’t we have a box?”
Me: “But. Why do I have a Box?”

Wait?

What?

“Live Gnome Inside”? WTF? Have I fallen into an episode of the twilight zone or something. Live Gnome Inside? what is gong on?

“LET ME OUT!!”

what was that? anyone else hear that?

“GET ME OUT OF HERE”

What? is anyone one else hearing voices? Ok, why is there a live Gnome in a Box? Why do I have a Box? Why do I have a Live Gnome?

“OI YOU. I SEE YOU. GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

 

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“ABOUT TIME YOU LET ME OUT!”

Who are you? What is going on? Am I finally going Insane?

“I’M THE HAMMER GNOME”

you say that like it means something?

“YOU NEVER HEARD OF THE BATTLE GNOMES?”

No, Never. Who are you? What are you? What is going on? Where did you come from? And why do you talk in shouting? why do you talk?

“I’M A BATTLE GNOME. WE HAVE MANLY VOICES!”

Right, that explains everything. *starts dialing the men in the white coats*

“I HEAR YOU HAVE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE FROM SOME EVILGOTHGNOME. WELL IF YOU CHECK THE CARD IN THE BOX, @MAGUIREPETE AND HIS FAMILY SENT ME TO SORT OUT THAT GNOME WITH MY BIG HAMMER. WHERE BE HE?”

Well that explains everything. The @EvilGothGnome is at home, I will take you to see him later. Remind me to thank @MaguirePete and to check into how much it costs to get psychological testing.

I sense interesting times ahead.

Guest Post – Introducing The Evil Goth Gnome

According to the Three Ninjas control panel/stat’s thing, this is actually post number 666. I know, a fear inspiring number right? Now since none of us wanted to actually write the post of the beast, we did the only thing we could think of. We got ourselves a Guest Blogger (of a sorts).

You may Remember Him from the funny post So, what’s the fox urine for?and for getting the blame in several post such as 12 in 12 – Month 3. That is right, The Evil Goth Gnome himself.

We should give you some history on the Gnome. He first showed up at the Ninja Temple Headquarters of the Three Ninjas one Christmas, after PlanetPete tried ridding himself of the Gnome’s evil influence, by giving him to us as a “Christmas Present”.

“I first met Evil Gnome  when he tried to persuade me to say evil things on-line to twitter. Although he seems a quiet individual, he reminds me off a viper sat awaiting to strike at feet passing by.”

PlanetPete 2013.

Since there he has been happily stalking about the HQ, plotting whatever it is that Gnome’s plot. And whispering evil suggestions to us. Which we have to date managed to resist complying with.

EGG: “That is what you think! I got you to give me access to this site didn’t I?”

GN: “That was our Idea”

EGG: “Oh, was it? Was it really? Hey WTF??? Why am I EGG???”

CN: “In chats we always use Initials, It’s not our fault you are an egg!”

EGG: *starts plotting*

Why is He called The Evil Goth Gnome?

Why is anything called what it is?

evilgothgnome-old

Gnome: Well He is basically a Garden Gnome.

EGG: “There is no such thing as ‘Basically a Garden Gnome’ We Gnome’s are the pinnacle of evolution. Have you seen those weeping angel things from Doctor who? We taught them that trick of becoming solid stone when watched!”

Goth: Because he is Monochrome, being a patchwork of black and white. Apart from he Orange boots. For some reasons even goth gnomes have the traditional orange boots.

EGG: “Hey, Leave the boots out of it. A Gnome is not a Gnome without his bright boots. We do not make fun of your mating habits, so leave the boots out of it.”

Evil: Because he is evil!

EGG: “You know what they say? ‘Evil is in the eye of the beholder’ and if you call me Evil again, it’ll be a pencil in the eye of the Ninja!”

So Constant Reader welcome our new Guest Blogger EvilGothGnome. And may heaven have mercy on your souls!

EGG: “Hey! That is not very Nice! You are giving the readers the wrong impression of me!”

I have been reminded to inform you that He is on “The Twitters” as @EvilGothGnome. And by Informed I mean i just had a post-it note stapled to my ankle.