Jan 26


There is a website which will go through your old tweets and turn them into poetry (different types of poems) So for a laugh I pointed it at my Twitter stream, and this is the masterpiece it gave me..

Be needed
by Wayne Owens
Like it was somehow my fault
I try my best to be helpful :)
That’s a compliment or an Insult.
Course. You can not be too careful.


You say the nicest things.
And claim it reminded me of her :)
The Instruction Writers feelings.
Gone, or what is left to do either.


Dont think like that… be positive
Are nuts. But not that nuts.
Does not sound very productive.
Hummmmm… Doughnuts…
Safe. I’ve seen your wife drive


Get your own poetweet here

Nov 11

100 Years – Least We Forget

Each year, on 11 November, the country falls silent to commemorate our war dead. This ritual, and the ceremonies and symbols that accompany it, have become part of national life.

Remembrance started long before the guns of the Western Front fell silent with people marking the loss or absence of loved ones away at war. 100 years later, the personal and political resonances of remembrance still stir strong emotions.


remembranceadIn Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

John McCrae (1872 – 1918)

Oct 30

One More than the Queen of England – Revisited

Last week I was annoying my mother while visiting my parents, and she threatened me :-

Mother: “Just remember your birthday is coming up!”

Me: “Yup, next Saturday!”

Mother: “Yes, Sunday”

Me: “Sat-ur-day!”

Mother: “No, Sunday, Saturday is the 1st”

Me: “Yes, the 1st, Saturday, my birthday”

Mother: “But your birthday is the 2nd”

Me: “1st!!

Mother: “Are you sure? I’m positive it’s the 2nd”

Me: “It’s the 1st as it has always been”

Mother: “Really?. what does it say on your birth certificate?”

Me: “the 1st!!!”

Mother: “that does not sound right, Why do I think it’s the 2nd??”

The conversation then went into the area of, “When was I actually born” which reminded me of an old post where I explained my theory I should get a 3 day birthday.


From the vault “One More than the Queen of England

Weird post title right? What I am referring to is birthdays, The Queen of England has two birthdays a year, Myself I have Three. So if you will sit down comfortably dear Reader, I’ll explain, mostly because its become a FAQ.

A few years ago a friend offered to do one of those astronomical charts for me, One of the larger complicated ones that show your personality, and long term fortune, etc. So I gave my friend the details I had, Date of Birth, and Location of Birth. Both of which are required for accuracy. I was then informed that if i wished a more accurate chart then they would need my time of birth, because when it comes to stars that take a millennium for the light to reach us, knowing what minute you were born makes all the difference. So I asked my parents for the time of my birth.

I think I’ll jump ahead here to the conversation with my friend later, for pure comedy affect.

F=Friend, M=Me

F:So, you got the time of your birth?

M: Yes, Nov 1st

F:no the TIME? if you don’t know the exact time you can narrow it down to morning, afternoon, evening, night. it will still help with accuracy

M:Nov 1st

F:No, can they narrow it down a bit?

M:They did, they narrowed it down to Nov 1st. Apparently no one made a not of when i was born, and they latter could not work out if it was Oct 31st, Nov 1st, Nov 2nd. so the narrowed it down to the middle one, Nov 1st

F:You just can’t do anything normal can you? you even managed to mess up and complicate getting born!

It turns out that it was a very long and painful labor, and I was a home birth (a uncommon occurrence at the time). Also the Midwife was not that good, and forgot to fill in the forms at the time. She also banged my head repeatedly against the bed, but thats a different story. So basically everyone was tired, exhausted, and under belief that the midwife did her job. It was only later when it came time to register my birth they realised they were unsure of the date. My father, Mother & Nian (Grandmother) all believed different days.

They settled on the middle day of the range, since it was central and my mothers vote (well she did have the pain so its only fair). Since then a few people have stated I’m more suited to a Halloween birth than a All Saints Day birth.  The upshot is that since I was born on one of three possible days, I think to play safe I should celebrate my birthday over the full three day period. Its the only way I can be sure I have got the right day.

Jul 14


This is not a real post, I just wanted a place where I could point people at these lyrics!


Words and tune by John Owen (1836-1915)

Holl drigolion bro a bryniau
Dewch i wrando hyn o eiriau
Cewch chi hanes rhyw hen fochyn
A fu farw yn dra sydyn


O mor drwm yr ydym ni
O mor drwm yr ydym ni
Y mae yma alar calon
Ar ôl claddu’r mochyn du.

Gweithiwyd iddo arch o dderi
Wedi’i drimio a’i berarogli
Ac fe dorrwyd bedd ardderchog
I’r hen fochyn yng Ngharngoediog

Y Parchedig Wil Twm Griffi
Ydoedd yno yn pregethu
Pawb yn sobor anghyffredin
Oll i ddangos parch i’r mochyn

Bellach rydwyf yn terfynu
Nawr gan roddi heibio ganu
Cymrwch ofal bawb rhag dilyn
Siampl ddrwg wrth fwydo mochyn


All you (inhabitants) of the community and hills
Come and listen to these words
You’ll get the story of an old pig
Who died very suddenly.


Oh how heavy (hearted) we are
Oh how heavy (hearted) we are
There is heartfelt grief here
After burying the black pig.

A coffin of oak was worked for him
Trimmed and scented
And a wonderful grave was dug
For the old pig in Carngoediog.

It was the Reverend Wil Twm Griffi
Who was there to preach
Everyone was terribly solemn
All to show respect for the pig.

Now I am finishing
And stopping the singing
Take care lest you follow
A bad example as you feed a pig.

Jun 11

One for sorrow, Two for Joy



One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.


OK, So we are all aware of the Magpie fortune telling poem. “What do you mean you have no idea what I am on about?” Right for a primer go read this “Greetings Mr Magpie. One for Sorrow…” I will wait here for you while you do.

***Time Passes***

OK, So we are NOW all aware of the Magpie fortune telling poem, But I have some Questions relating to it.

1) How do you count the Magpies?

You see a magpie by itself and you go “ONE”, Then you see another one and go “TWO” but? Is it two or is it two single Magpies?

2) Is there a set area in which to count the Magpies?

If there are two or more Magpies standing next to each other then the counting is obvious. But what if there are say two Magpies together and a third three foot away, does it count?

3) Do you count based on the Photograph affect?

If when you saw the first Magpie and in your mind took a photograph do you count all the Magpie’s you can see at that minute. So if a second or two later you see another Magpie does that count to the total score or do you start recounting.

4) Do you count based on a time frame?

So after the first Magpie is spotted does a timer start, and you count every Magpie you see in the follow few seconds? Does it go by blinking?

Hopefully its blinking, because I can go a long time between blinks. This would allow me to cheat and not blink until I hit a score that is beneficial to me.

5) How does multiples count?

OK. so you have your counting rules fixed in your mind. And you see a Magpie (ONE) then a short while again you see another Magpie (ONE) now, which of the three options does this count as?

a) Fortune is confirming that you are in for Sorrow

b) You are going to have two lots of sorrow

c) Your sorrow is now going to be twice as bad


This may seem a bit of an odd thing to contemplate, but its for a very very good reason. “Three for a Girl” If we can get the rules agreed on (go for blinking) I could fix it so I always get to count Magpies as being three, then if I can get two lots of three Then according to (5b) I would get a threesome, more than two lots of three and we are in for an orgy!



Apr 16

Real Life Heroes

We here at the Ninja Temple would like to take a minute to give our respect and thanks to the real life heroes who stepped up when they were needed yesterday at the Boston Marathon.

The Videos of the first explosion show the first-responders running towards the explosions before the smoke even clears, No concern for their own safety or that more could go off, they ran towards danger because people needed help.

There were medical people taking part in the marathon, and even after running for 26 miles they went right to helping the injured, or helped at the medical tents.

Other runners who had just ran the 26 Miles continued running to the nearest Hospital so they could donate much needed blood.

Then there were the people who lived local who brought out drinks and blankets for the runners who were stranded waiting for the area to be declared safe.

And the Coffee shops opening up their wifi to let people contact each other, recharge their phones, and have drinks even if they did not have money on them.

Basically you only really see the inerrant good in the human race when they step up under such evil situations and show the true meaning of “human spirit”

To all the people affected by the incident we send out thought, wishes, and prayers.

And to those who showed the good in mankind we Salute you, and send our thanks.

The Three Ninjas Staff

Dec 22

Is there anyone out there?

Well December 21st 2012 has past and we are all still here. We survived, the world did not end in a blaze of fire, long forgotten unhallowed graves did not spew forth their masses of undead zombies (I am a slightly upset about that one)

So Congratulations to us. WE RULE. so lets put all these doomsday worries behind us, and move on with our lives…….


This post is set to auto publish. SO technically we could all be dead. the world could be totally destroyed and this post is going out to no one. In which case I would just like to say.

Good bye and thanks for all the fish.

Nov 21

For the Parents out there

Hey Guys, Gals, and Constant Readers Lend me your ears.

Oh, I should point out I do not want to use your ears in any weird way. I will not be putting anything into them, before YOU (Yes YOU, you know who YOU are!) ask, Neither do I wish you to rip/cut/remove your ears in any way and throw them at me. In fact I wish I had not started with that famous opening now, and just gone with a more easily defined “Please listen to me for a minute” But, hey ho, you live and learn.

Anyway, I have a Question, and I am aiming it to the parents out there. The question is :-

Does having kids lower your IQ?

Before you parents go nuts and order me to go sit on the naughty step, let me explain by sharing two incidents I have witnessed this week (And its only Wednesday).

Incident 1:

I pulled into a Petrol Station, and got in line to wait for a free Pump. The car in front of my was being filled up by a young lady who looked almost finished. She puts the hose back on the Pump, puts the cap back on her car, all perfectly normal so far. She opened the back door of her car and collected her handbag (Obviously so she could pay inside). At this point her baby must have made a noise at seeing her, since she leans back into the car waves a stuffed rabbit toy about a bit and stands back up, puts her handbag back in the car, gets in and drives off without paying. Now I am positive since she collected her bag she had every intention of paying, but the interaction with her child made her forget she had not paid.

Incident 2:

Driving up a hill on my daily commute (Monday) there is a woman with a pram and a toddler struggling to cross the very busy road. She had made it half way across and was stuck on a small island looking scared. I did the decent thing and stopped to let her across, where upon crossing she turns and starts walking up the hill where 10 yards further up is the School crossing guard to the school she is taking the toddler too.  Now in case you are unfamiliar with School Crossing guards, they have the power to stop all traffic to let people cross the road, So why she did not cross 10 yards further up the hill I do not know. As an aside to this Incident, She was there the following day as well (Tuesday), only she had not got to the point of crossing the road yet, I saw her walk past the Crossing guard down to where the road had a little island and wait to try to cross there.


So I ask you. Does having Children lower your ability to do everyday tasks? enquiring minds want to know!


Sep 28

I am always glad to help

On my way home from work I stopped off at the local Co-Op for a loaf of bread. As I was leaving the store I spotted one of those people who like to hang out with clipboards and hassle ordinary folk as they try and go about their daily lives. My normal response to them is to give off a “Don’t even think about it” Vibe and walk right past without even acknowledging their existence.

As I got almost to the door the heavens opened with a torrential downpour. ‘Shit. I’m going to get drenched, maybe if I wait five min’s it will ease off’ I thought. So I smiled at the clipboard wielding woman and decided to help her out.

Woman: “Hi. Can you spare a bit of your time to help us out?”

GN: *looks out at rain* “why not… Go for it….”

Woman: “ok” *looks at survey form* “How often would you say you shop at this store? Daily? Several times a week? weekly? How often, roughly?”

GN: *starts counting on fingers, 1, 2, 3, 4….* “Roughly? Say once every five years”

Woman: *looks confused at form* “err. Ok. I’ll put down once a month.And why did you choose to shop at this store today? Price of Items? Availability? Good Parking, Size of store?”

GN: “There was a crash in Tesco’s car-park, I would have been ages trying to get in there to park!”

Woman: “errr….ummm… OK. if you do not mind me asking about how much was your shopping today?”

GN: *raises loaf and looks for price tag* “£1.30″

Woman: “Did you find the store had all the dairy products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Not applicable”

Woman: “Did you find the store had all the meat products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Not applicable”

Woman: *starting to look a bit confused* “Did you find the store had all the fresh baked products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Breads counts as baked right? SO Yes”

Woman: “Did you find all the Beer or Spirits you ……”

GN: *Raises loaf and wiggles it*

Woman: “Right, I’ll just put not applicable to all these” *crosses off loads of entry’s on the form* “OK. as you were walking about the store today on a scale of 0-10 how did you find the amount of stuff on the shelves?”

GN: *Looks behind the Woman at the section of the store with completely empty shelves* “It’s probably not wise to ask that question while standing in front of the part the store where they are changing all the shelves around”

Woman: “err I’ll put Not applicable to that as well” *starts to randomly answer questions herself* “OK, were you able to find everything you wanted today?”

GN: *Raises loaf and pokes it* “YES!!! Yes I was!”

Woman: *slowly starting to back away from the entrance* “Thank you for your time… err its very important to us and we appreciate it… Have a good day… Bye!!”

GN: *Waves with the loaf of bread*


I think my feedback will be appreciated and help towards improving the store. I should have been paid. Or at least offered a 10% discount on my days shopping.