Categories: Misc

Real Life Heroes

Apr16
Published on: April 16, 2013
Categories: Misc
Tags:
Comments: 1 Comment
 

We here at the Ninja Temple would like to take a minute to give our respect and thanks to the real life heroes who stepped up when they were needed yesterday at the Boston Marathon.

The Videos of the first explosion show the first-responders running towards the explosions before the smoke even clears, No concern for their own safety or that more could go off, they ran towards danger because people needed help.

There were medical people taking part in the marathon, and even after running for 26 miles they went right to helping the injured, or helped at the medical tents.

Other runners who had just ran the 26 Miles continued running to the nearest Hospital so they could donate much needed blood.

Then there were the people who lived local who brought out drinks and blankets for the runners who were stranded waiting for the area to be declared safe.

And the Coffee shops opening up their wifi to let people contact each other, recharge their phones, and have drinks even if they did not have money on them.

Basically you only really see the inerrant good in the human race when they step up under such evil situations and show the true meaning of “human spirit”

To all the people affected by the incident we send out thought, wishes, and prayers.

And to those who showed the good in mankind we Salute you, and send our thanks.

The Three Ninjas Staff


1 Comment

Is there anyone out there?

Dec22
Published on: December 22, 2012
Categories: Misc
Comments: No Comments
 

Well December 21st 2012 has past and we are all still here. We survived, the world did not end in a blaze of fire, long forgotten unhallowed graves did not spew forth their masses of undead zombies (I am a slightly upset about that one)

So Congratulations to us. WE RULE. so lets put all these doomsday worries behind us, and move on with our lives…….

UNLESSS

This post is set to auto publish. SO technically we could all be dead. the world could be totally destroyed and this post is going out to no one. In which case I would just like to say.

Good bye and thanks for all the fish.


No Comments

For the Parents out there

Nov21
Published on: November 21, 2012
Categories: Misc
Tags: ,
Comments: No Comments
 

Hey Guys, Gals, and Constant Readers Lend me your ears.

Oh, I should point out I do not want to use your ears in any weird way. I will not be putting anything into them, before YOU (Yes YOU, you know who YOU are!) ask, Neither do I wish you to rip/cut/remove your ears in any way and throw them at me. In fact I wish I had not started with that famous opening now, and just gone with a more easily defined “Please listen to me for a minute” But, hey ho, you live and learn.

Anyway, I have a Question, and I am aiming it to the parents out there. The question is :-

Does having kids lower your IQ?

Before you parents go nuts and order me to go sit on the naughty step, let me explain by sharing two incidents I have witnessed this week (And its only Wednesday).

Incident 1:

I pulled into a Petrol Station, and got in line to wait for a free Pump. The car in front of my was being filled up by a young lady who looked almost finished. She puts the hose back on the Pump, puts the cap back on her car, all perfectly normal so far. She opened the back door of her car and collected her handbag (Obviously so she could pay inside). At this point her baby must have made a noise at seeing her, since she leans back into the car waves a stuffed rabbit toy about a bit and stands back up, puts her handbag back in the car, gets in and drives off without paying. Now I am positive since she collected her bag she had every intention of paying, but the interaction with her child made her forget she had not paid.

Incident 2:

Driving up a hill on my daily commute (Monday) there is a woman with a pram and a toddler struggling to cross the very busy road. She had made it half way across and was stuck on a small island looking scared. I did the decent thing and stopped to let her across, where upon crossing she turns and starts walking up the hill where 10 yards further up is the School crossing guard to the school she is taking the toddler too.  Now in case you are unfamiliar with School Crossing guards, they have the power to stop all traffic to let people cross the road, So why she did not cross 10 yards further up the hill I do not know. As an aside to this Incident, She was there the following day as well (Tuesday), only she had not got to the point of crossing the road yet, I saw her walk past the Crossing guard down to where the road had a little island and wait to try to cross there.

 

So I ask you. Does having Children lower your ability to do everyday tasks? enquiring minds want to know!

 


No Comments

I am always glad to help

Sep28
Published on: September 28, 2012
Categories: Misc, Survey
Tags: ,
Comments: 2 Comments
 

On my way home from work I stopped off at the local Co-Op for a loaf of bread. As I was leaving the store I spotted one of those people who like to hang out with clipboards and hassle ordinary folk as they try and go about their daily lives. My normal response to them is to give off a “Don’t even think about it” Vibe and walk right past without even acknowledging their existence.

As I got almost to the door the heavens opened with a torrential downpour. ‘Shit. I’m going to get drenched, maybe if I wait five min’s it will ease off’ I thought. So I smiled at the clipboard wielding woman and decided to help her out.

Woman: “Hi. Can you spare a bit of your time to help us out?”

GN: *looks out at rain* “why not… Go for it….”

Woman: “ok” *looks at survey form* “How often would you say you shop at this store? Daily? Several times a week? weekly? How often, roughly?”

GN: *starts counting on fingers, 1, 2, 3, 4….* “Roughly? Say once every five years”

Woman: *looks confused at form* “err. Ok. I’ll put down once a month.And why did you choose to shop at this store today? Price of Items? Availability? Good Parking, Size of store?”

GN: “There was a crash in Tesco’s car-park, I would have been ages trying to get in there to park!”

Woman: “errr….ummm… OK. if you do not mind me asking about how much was your shopping today?”

GN: *raises loaf and looks for price tag* “£1.30″

Woman: “Did you find the store had all the dairy products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Not applicable”

Woman: “Did you find the store had all the meat products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Not applicable”

Woman: *starting to look a bit confused* “Did you find the store had all the fresh baked products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Breads counts as baked right? SO Yes”

Woman: “Did you find all the Beer or Spirits you ……”

GN: *Raises loaf and wiggles it*

Woman: “Right, I’ll just put not applicable to all these” *crosses off loads of entry’s on the form* “OK. as you were walking about the store today on a scale of 0-10 how did you find the amount of stuff on the shelves?”

GN: *Looks behind the Woman at the section of the store with completely empty shelves* “It’s probably not wise to ask that question while standing in front of the part the store where they are changing all the shelves around”

Woman: “err I’ll put Not applicable to that as well” *starts to randomly answer questions herself* “OK, were you able to find everything you wanted today?”

GN: *Raises loaf and pokes it* “YES!!! Yes I was!”

Woman: *slowly starting to back away from the entrance* “Thank you for your time… err its very important to us and we appreciate it… Have a good day… Bye!!”

GN: *Waves with the loaf of bread*

 

I think my feedback will be appreciated and help towards improving the store. I should have been paid. Or at least offered a 10% discount on my days shopping.

 


2 Comments

Hah. I’ve fixed the Problem with the Calendar

Sep13
Published on: September 13, 2012
Categories: Misc
Tags:
Comments: 1 Comment
 

Have you noticed that we have a MAJOR problem with the current calendar system?

You have not? Really? You are joking right? Can you even tell the time?

Ok. For the “Slower” among you let me point out the flaw.

For rough quick calculations you think of there being FOUR weeks in a month. For example if you have X amount of something to last a month, you mentally divide it by 4 to work out your weekly amount.

So FOUR weeks a month. TWELVE months a year. Gives us FOUR times TWELVE or FORTY EIGHT weeks.

Yes. I know. We are all taught in school there are FIFTY TWO weeks in a year. SO where are the missing FOUR weeks? Yes, the current messed up calendar has a whole month missing in it. Which messes up monthly wages/bills/everything.

So What can we do? Just add a new month to the year called Waynember? (Just throwing that name suggestion out there in case a new month is the way forward)

Well, that would give us THIRTEEN months a year, and the average person is superstitions and do not like the number THIRTEEN. So lets but the idea of Waynember as plan B.

So what else can we do?

I suggest we take those FOUR weeks and split them up, and add a couple of extra day to the month. I suggest we slip them in the odd Weekend, making a new Bonus weekend day. I have no name suggestion for this new bonus day. But lets call it WayneDay for now.

WayneDay would be a weekend, and treated like a Bank holiday. As in you get the day off work, but it does not count against your holiday days. It would help the economy with millions of people going to tourist places, pubs, doing DIY on WayneDay. so its win-win all the way.

So there you have it. My suggestion on fixing the Calendar.


1 Comment

11 Years On.

Sep11
Published on: September 11, 2012
Categories: Misc
Comments: 1 Comment
 

Eleven years ago today I was on a training course when I got a SMS telling me to watch the News ASAP. Well I was at a training centre without any TV or Radio, and their internet connection was being flaky. But I managed to jury-rig a computer with an internal modem via their fax line to get online (Well I was not doing much in the course at that minute) And I watched replays of the planes flying into the sides of the Twin Towers over and over as the western world stood unified in shock.

This was the first act of international terrorism on US Soil, and it was big. Possibly the biggest terrorist attack recorded. Lets be honest it changed the World as we know it. IT kicked off the “War on Terror”. Security procedures were changed and tightened across the globe. Hell you can not get on an American plane any more without an invasive body scan.

The biggest change to the Americans was the loss of that “safe feeling” you get being a long way from any war zone, or trouble spot. It even affected us in the UK and we were used to terrorist attacks from years dealing with the IRA.

We are now eleven years on, which seems an important anniversary being the “11th 9-11″ and we are still fighting the War on Terror, our troops are still being killed fighting the same organisation that did the cowardly attack on the Twin Towers. A lot of people say the loss of life is not worth it, we should just pull out and leave them be.

Personally I don’t think we can, If we want to regain the feeling of being safe and prevent future generations having to deal with an event like 9/11 We need to finish this now. But no more “Mr Niceguy” They fight with acts of terror, they use bobby traps, they arm kids, they use human shields, They do every cowardly evil thing they can, and that is why eleven years on we are still fighting. You can not use standard gentleman’s rules of warfare against such people.

I say we pull out and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.


1 Comment

Greetings Mr Magpie. One for Sorrow….

Aug09
Published on: August 9, 2012
Categories: Misc, Mythology
Comments: 2 Comments
 

So we all know* the “One for Sorrow” Poem in one of its many versions.

*Well I am assuming we all know. If not, Where have you been people!!!!

The one I grew up with is most common one :-

 

One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.

Now. Growing up I was ignorant of the side rule of what to do if you see a single Magpie. I was only illuminated on the subject when I finally asked my sister why she kept saluting magpies.** And she informed me that a single Magpie (Which equals bad luck) can be countered by saluting it.

**For the first fifteen years of my life I just assumed my sister was insane,

Sounds fishy right?

Well Over the years I have looked it up, and It seems to be be a valid superstition. In fact there seems to be many ways of dealing with the evil of a lone magpie. Some of them are :-

  • “Hello Mr Magpie” “How is your wife/where is your wife?”, “Good Morning/Evening Sir” This apparently both counters the bad luck and adds an imaginary magpie to the count making it “Two for Joy”
  • Say the phrase “I defy thee” seven times.
  • Spit three times to avert ill luck.
  • Pinch the person you are walking with. If alone pinch yourself
  • Salute the Magpie

Well, What I want to know is. What happens if you respond to the single Magpie by hitting it with your car. While its flying (That should give bonus points right??)

Calm down dear its just a blog post!!

The Magpie was not hurt. It was eating on the road when I was driving at it. It took off in one direction, changed its mind and headed towards me, then changed mind again meaning it had not gained hight or distance and its tail-feathers slapped against my cars windscreen.

so if a salute changes bad luck to good luck. does hitting a bird flying in the sky change it from bad luck to AWESOME LUCK

ERRR. just asking for a friend.


2 Comments

Dear Cold-Callers. Please STOP……….It’s Hammer Time!

Feb28
Published on: February 28, 2012
Categories: Misc
Comments: No Comments
 

Thanks to a push on PPI miss-sales, and attempts to get you to switch service providers (Phone, Internet, Electric, Gas, Water, Etc) plus the usual ones trying to sell Mobile Phone contracts, con you into insuring Sky etc, My incoming phone calls are 90% Cold Callers. This really annoys me because they keep interrupting me and I have added my phone number to the Governments “No cold callers list”, So I’ve now given up all pretense of being a nice polite person who politely turns down their sales pitch.

No my current method of dealing with these drones, (Which I started after the same person phoned me four times in one evening supposedly from two different companies) is to let them start their sales pitch, wait a minute then play a sound clip of

Stop Hammer time

Every time you see me that Hammer’s just so hype
I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this
With others makin’ records that just don’t hit
I toured around the world from London to the BAY
It’s Hammer go Hammer
mc hammer yo hammer and the rest can go and play
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh-oh-oh)
Yeah u can’t touch this

Then after all that’s played, I return to the phone with a polite “Sorry about that, it was Hammer time”

So far only one cold-caller has remained on the line to hear my response, and she was pissing herself laughing, and i heard her speak in the background “Best call EVER!!“.

I’m hoping MC Hammer can help me cut down on the callers.

 


No Comments

Reflections on the Rapture

May23
Published on: May 23, 2011
Categories: Misc, Mythology
Tags: ,
Comments: 3 Comments
 

So the weekends over, and we have all survived. Well I assume we have all survived, there has been no news articles on the Zombie Apocalypse, no reports of missing people in their masses. So I can only assume that the End of Days (2011) aka The Rapture (V2) was a no show.

Now I should quickly explain what I am on about for those of you who may have been living in a cave for the last month and be unaware of the Rapture. Although you do raise a new question of why do you have the internet in your cave? anyway The Rapture….

Rapture

Basically some bloke called “Harold Camping” said he had calculated the secret code hidden in the bible, and was 100% the world would end on September 6, 1994.  Some point shortly after then, when the world was still going strong Harold admitted he made a slight mistake and had forgot to carry the one and the correct day of the rapture was May 21st 2011. On this day Jesus would return to earth, the chosen holy people who followed the laws of Christ would ascent to heaven, and the long forgotten dead would rise forth from their unhallowed graves and the end of days would be upon us.

My biggest problem with any of these beliefs is one of simple logistics. The holy get to go to heaven. Who is holy? If you follow the laws of Christ will you be allowed in? Which branch of Christianity do you need to follow since they are all different? What about the rules, once you could not eat fish on a Friday, but that rule was revoked, but did God approve the revoking? If you have to follow every rule there ever was to be 100% valid, then I do not see anyone being saved.

Anyway Rapture came and went without anyone noticing. So was it all a miscalculation again (Not everyone can do math) Or is it as some blogs are stating that the chosen were raptured, and the rest of us just have to wait the five months till the world ends? So all we can do is watch this space.


3 Comments

Secret Government Base?

Apr06
Published on: April 6, 2011
Categories: Misc, Vehicles, Zombies
Comments: 1 Comment
 

This morning on my way to the Insane Asylum I had to stop off at a small garage (Gas Station) to fill up my vehicle with diesel. Nothing special about that, It happens at least once a week, or more commonly twice a week due to my superstition about filling up my tank in one go (Which I may explain at some point in the future). Now the reason I’m blogging about a common, normal everyday activity is  the following.

I pulled into the strangely busy Garage forecourt, which normally has one or maybe two cars parked to either fill-up or use the shop. I once saw it on a particularly busy day with four cars there. This morning, including my car there was one vehicle at every pump (So eight in total) with a further nine parked at different parts of the small forecourt. Seventeen Cars, SEVENTEEN!

Now as I filled up, I was the only person in sight. All the cars were empty, and no one was walking about. When I walked into the Garage itself (which I should point out is a small room, with a counter, and a small office/toilet at the back which you could fit maybe three people in if they were “very familiar”) One man walked out. There was also one person behind the counter serving, So with myself three people to account for seventeen cars? SEVENTEEN? where were the other fourteen people? there was no way they could all be in the back room. In fact the only way they could be in the building at all would be if there was some sort of secret government facility underneath the garage.

Well I guess, Zombie outbreak?, Mass murderess who kidnap customers and throw them into an empty underground fuel store “It puts the lotion on its skin, else it gets the hose again!“?, Alien abduction? are also possibilities, but I tell you this now, I for one will not be using that particular garage again unarmed.


1 Comment
page 1 of 3 »

Welcome , today is Saturday, May 25, 2013