How to cheat Speed Cameras

by | May 15, 2011 | Geek, Comedy

I just thought I would share this technical tip on how to make sure you do not get any speeding tickets from fized mounted speed cameras.

 

SQL Injection number plate

From the Archive: Were Ninja

by | Nov 23, 2010 | Work, Comedy

We at the Insane Asylum have been running some updates on our antiquated control systems, and during this update I had cause to check the Polychronicon that is the Asylums Wiki.  While trying to find the list of perl modules we need to re-install after a major update to allow some of the older systems to continue working (Which I could not find) I came across an odd link to an article simply titled “Were Ninja” Intrigued I had a quick read, and memories of the old days came back, especially of the “Were Ninja” Himself.  So I’m reprinting the article here.

Were Ninja

I have been researching a rumor I heard, about strange occurrences in some of the local woods. of a dark figure fleetingly seen from the corner of the eye, strange symbols, glyphs tracks. And most concernedly the noises and screams that echo out of the darkness.

I can now give a slight insight to these happenings..

It starts with a quick 10 minute job after hours, a job that ended up taking longer than was expected, It started with a man tired after hours of staring at a monitor, a man too tired to know what he was doing, It starts with an innocent chain-letter email, one that had to be sent out to a dozen people within thirty minutes or else.

It starts with someone we will call Mr X. He was a normal mild mannered I.T. professional, but one day while taking a break from his work he read his e-mail, the stuff he would normally just junk. It was while reading this e-mail he stumbled upon the book of e-vile! He innocently read out allowed the text from the satanic summoning kanji of death. And because the smtp server was down he could not fulfill the requirements of the chain-letter and the chain was broken, allowing him to be possessed by the spirit of a were-ninja from 14th century japan.

Now on nights where theres a moon he roams the welsh countryside. doing unspeakable things

Nothing compares to a penguin.

by | Apr 28, 2010 | Spods, Comedy

I have recently reconnected with some old friends on various Social Networking sites, and we have been catching up and reminding each other of various stories and escapades from the past. I will probably post a few of the more “safe” stories on here at some point.  Until then, and to counter the last post of mine which was political, here is a series of quotes that were recorded at the 1997 Birmingham Spod meet (See I told you I would Post them! I just needed to find the bit of paper)

Basically someone said something that sounded “dodgy” so a pen & paper was found and people started making a list of all the innocent things said that could be taken out of context and sound “iffy”. There was a running count being kept of who was winning.

(more…)

Wanted Ad: 1 Worshiper

by | Apr 24, 2006 | Work, Pagan, LiveJournal, Comedy

Quick Request.

I need a worshiper, apparantly I am one person short from being accepted as a God by so if anyone would like to sign up to worshiping me, it would be greatly appreciated.

EDIT: That is, Will accept I am a God, Not that I am his god.

Wendy The Sheep

by | Apr 4, 2006 | LiveJournal, Comedy

Wendy had jumped onto the bike and
zoomed off at full tilt down into the
valley to the shop, and she was half-
way there before she realised not only
that she couldn’t ride a bicycle, but
that she was, in fact, A sheep,
Then she fell off…

The Great Goth Ninja

by | Feb 24, 2006 | Comedy, LiveJournal

There was a time where primal chaos reigned, Where the Heavens sought order. But the Phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, As endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time and the pure essences of Heaven, The moistures of the Earth, And the powers of the Sun and the Moon. All worked upon a certain rock – old as Creation, And it magically became fertile. That first egg was named Thought, Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha, Said, ‘With our thoughts we make the world.’.

Upon the shell of the egg was written all thoughts, knowledge, and all future events of any relevance. Elemantal forces caused the egg to hatch, from it then came a stone Warrior. The nature of the Warrior was irrepressable!

This Warrior became a great leader thanks to blessings from Tathagata Buddha. Over the following eons the Warrior founded a school of training, to pass on the Budda’s wisdom to other less enlightened people. These schools based in the land that would latter be know as Japan, grew over time to become the fabled Ninja clans of Iga and Koga.

The shell of the original egg was kept as a sacred artefact, and held as the most holy of relics, but over the centuries the stone wore away, and crumbled to dust,
as each part of the shell became damaged the contained knowledge, was copied onto the scrolls given to each grandmaster of the clan. These scrolls contained the instructions for all the Ninja skills, magic, and history, They also contained some prophecies of important events that will happen in the clans future. One of these Prophecys concerns the joining of the clan of a foreigner, a white man, a man not of the soil of the egg. A man who will already be wearing black before becoming a ninja warrior, a man who would be at ease amongst the black clad people, a man who will bring great reward on the ancient houses of the ninja, that man would be The Great Goth Ninja.

Am I that man??

Some say it is so!

See Reference