Categories: Blog

The Gay Test

Feb26
Published on: February 26, 2014
Comments: No Comments
 

There has been a lot of online discussion about the possible Laws/Bills in America allowing those who object to refuse to serve same-sex couples, and how it is a major step backwards in the evolution of America. I am not going to discuss it here because it has been well covered in other places.

Last night on Facebook someone asked the question :-

I want to know.. If 2 people of the same gender go to a hotel in one of these states that are talking about allowing banning gay people, would they have to somehow prove that they are straight to stay there?

This led to a long comment conversation on possible ways, and the flaws with them. These ways included such test as :-

The Monty Python Test.

What organisation uses a rainbow as its symbol? The LGBT Movement. What is colourful like a rainbow? A peacock.  So, if we weight a person and they way the same as a Peacock, then we know they are gay.

The Weird Pervert Test.

Hotel funded inspection prostitutes. Trained to sleep with customers and evaluate how much they enjoyed it.

 The first test got the response of “WTF???” I am assuming there were none python people in the conversion.  and the second got responses of “ewwwww!!!!!”

Which led to a more sensible conversation, and testing amongst the people involved. I should point out there were Engineers & Scientists involved in this discussion, and after many formulas, maths, & good old-fashioned trial and error we actually came up with a test that was accurate 100% of the time.

I am going to describe the process here, but we are patent-pending the test with the view to selling them and making a small fortune. After all we have the only fool-proof test in existence.

The Science Test.

This test is based on the fact that saliva undergoes a chemical change when the person is sexual aroused. Which suggests a link between sexual preference and the cells of the tongue.

  1. Take a piece of Litmus paper (The colour changing properties of it come in handy).
  2. SECRET STEP. I am leaving this step out so no one else steals our idea. But it is a basic household ingredient applied to the Litmus paper.
  3. Get the Test subject to drink an acidic drink, (any soda will do). This helps looses the cells on the tongue and remove any blocking material.
  4. Get the Test subject to lick the Litmus paper (You get better results if they can keep some liquid in their mouth when making contact with the paper)
  5. Check Paper. If it is wet/damp then the Test subject is normal, if the paper remains dry then they are Abnormal and you are safe to refuse to serve them.


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Throwback Thursday

Feb13
Published on: February 13, 2014
Categories: MEME, Throwback Thursday
Comments: No Comments
 

So Apparently this is a thing.

“Throwback Thursday” is where you post a picture from your distant past on some form of Social Media. So I guess I should at least do it once ;-)

That and its a Lazy way to get a post out, and maybe help with writers block.

OldNewsPaper

One of my first appearances in a Newspaper (And not in the most wanted section) Back when I was but a young boy being entertained by a very dodgy looking librarian!


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The 11 Things Meme

Jan19
Published on: January 19, 2014
Categories: Blog, MEME
Tags:
Comments: No Comments
 

So I kinda got tagged in one of those blog-meme things…

And since I have not posted much of late, (Well the end of 2013 and the start of 2014 seem to have been a wasteland of creative emptiness) I decided to answer the Questions…

So here goes!

 

1. Are you a cat or dog person? Or, bird person? 

Dog person. Dog’s are cool, loyal, a man’s best friend. They go for walks with you, play fetch, and can do loads of fun things. Cats just sit and watch you, waiting for you to show the slightest sign of weakness and then they will pounce and eat your eyes!!!. And Birds? what use is a pet in a cage? Are Bird people just people with secret zoo owner fetishes? So defiantly Dogs… (This answer was written of my own free will, and my dog in no means forced me into my answer)

 

2. What was your favorite food as a kid? Is it the same, or has it changed as an adult?

I can not remember? Chips, Burger? No my mothers home made butterscotch flan thing. And it is still my favourite. I have a very sweet tooth.

 

3. What is your favourite hobby?  

Reading, I love nothing more than setting into a good book. Although I do love playing Games (I am a self-confessed gamer) so maybe I should have two answers Reading & Gaming. Although I do like watching TV/Films, but not as much as Reading/Gaming. But there is writing. NO!!! I am decided my favourite hobby is Reading/Gaming.

 

4. If you HAD to move to a different state (or country) where would it be? 

Well If I had to move to a different country I think I would pick the States, they have all the best Conventions, and some places have decent weather. I am not sure which state I would pick? Since I have never yet been to the States so have nothing much to base my choices on.  Maybe I should play safe and stay in the UK, Maybe Scotland or Ireland? I think my answer would have to be based on the reason I had to move. If I am running from the Government I may need to move to a country without an extradition treaty with the UK.

 

5. Are you a winter or summer person?

That is a very hard question to answer. There is nothing better than being indoors in front of a roaring fire either reading a good book, or enjoying good company while the outside is blanketed under thick snow. And you have to admit a blanket of snow makes even the most run-down environment look wonderful.  So my answer should be Winter, but… In the summer you have the warmth, the light, women wear a hell of a lot less *eyebrow wiggle*. So summer has its advantages, so….  If you were to threaten me at gunpoint to pick just one answer, I would probably stab you in the eye with a pencil, and then move to one of the places I mentioned in question 4. Nothing personal you understand but I do not like being threatened at gunpoint!. err oh the question. I will have to go Winter.

 

6. What makes you happy? 

To crush my enemies — See them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of their women!

 

7. What is the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked?

I was once asked by a stranger “Hi, are you the person I promised a chocolate covered dog treat too?

 

8. If you had to go on an adventure, with elves, dwarves, or hobbits, who would you take and why?

Well Gandalf, Dumbledore, Vanyel, Dr Strange, Ged, Merlin, Raistlin Majere & Harry Dresden for wisdom and magical backup. Achilles, Lancelot, Elric, Conan, Aragon, The Hulk, Superman, Batman, James Bond & Ben 10 for muscle and fighting. And I guess McGyvur, The Mythbusters, Sherlock, Hermione & R2D2 for research, stores, and improvised equipment.

 

9. You are at a rural retreat lodge somewhere deep in Wisconsin or Canada. You are approached by a taxidermist who hands you a stuffed badger and asks you to put it in your lap. What do you do next?

I would start by wondering just what kind of retreat I was in where random taxidermists wander about with stuffed beavers. If the taxidermist was a man I would probably ask him what he was up to and depending on his answer comply or not. BUT if said taxidermist was female I would wink and say “of course you can rest your stuffed beaver on my lap but what shall we do with the badger?”

 

10. What was your first job?

Apprentice Electrician, I went from school to training to become an Electrician.

 

11. What is your favorite utensil?

I take back my answer for Question 7. This is possibly the weirdest question I have even been asked, with that stuffed badger one coming in at second place. Ok favourite utensil… I guess I would have to go with… The Dragon Throne!!!! Ha, did not see that one coming did you? Now before you start protesting the Dragon Throne which was the rhetorical seat of power in the Empire of China is also called the divine utensil. Boom, headshot


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Goodreads Reading Challenge (2013/14)

Jan02
Published on: January 2, 2014
Categories: Goodreads, Resolutions
Comments: 2 Comments
 

It is the start of a new year which means it is time for me to set up my Goodreads reading challenge for 2014. But first a update on 2013′s effort.

I started 2013 with a goal of reading 50 books in the year (The number was suggested to be as a good goal, and it was a good goal as I read 60 books in 2012)

In July I reached my 51st book, and had to up the goal to 100 books.

At the end of the 2013 I had read 105 of the 100 books (105%)

2013-goodreadsWhich I am counting as a double win because the original challenge was 50 books, and 100 = 2×50. So in 2013 I won the reading challenge twice!!

for 2014 I am going to start off with a goal of 60 books, which you may think is a bit low since i clocked up over 100 in 2013, but I have a load of rather big books I want to read this year which will take a lot longer to read.

 


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MEME: The Year That Was 2013

Dec30
Published on: December 30, 2013
Categories: LiveJournal, MEME
Comments: No Comments
 

Its that time of year again, where I look at the Year that was, and do the customary Year that was Meme.

MEME: The Year That Was 2013

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before? OK, New things :-

  1. Joined Rose Croix, and all things associated.
  2. Installed my Successor into the chair of King Solomon, and became an IPM.
  3. Saw a good friend get put into the Chair of KS.
  4. Arranged to meet up with an Author for private book singing. 
  5. Became a Committee Member for a Charity Event
  6. Missed a Lodge Committee meeting for the 1st time since I joined the committee (7 Years ago)
  7. Got a Shout out on Planet Rock Radio!!

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I Have stopped setting Resolutions for myself as I have discovered that I am really crap at sticking to them. But I have discovered over the last few years I am better at completing challenges, so that is what I do instead. Last year was the 23 in 13. And in 2014 I will set myself another challenge for the Year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I do not think so. I do not recall anyone going on about babies, or any really big women suddenly becoming slim again. SO I will have to answer NO to this one. *1

4. Did anyone close to you die? No one close, but a few Lodge Brothers passed to the Grand Lodge Above.

5. What countries did you visit? Just England, But I did go to Bala and I think that should be counted as its own country.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? Tricky Question. Err Enthusiasm, True Love :) Or a Long term relationship with an Intelligent Woman, A plan, Enthusiasm, Pay Rise, An easy year in Lodge, A Presented Paper, Enthusiasm. Oh and an Intern/PA.

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? hmm?

  1. Jun 19th – Joining Rose Croix
  2. Nov 7th – Finally leaving the chair of KS

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finally escaping the Chair of KS. It was a very close thing.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not getting more stuff of my ToDo List done.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? ManFlu, that most deadly and fetal of all known illnesses.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Hard one. Nothing really stands out. Damn this means I did not get myself a new Toy in 2013!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? My JW, for stepping forward and volunteering to take over Mastership of my Lodge even though he knew he was not ready for the responsibility.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I can not think of any off hand, So will say bigoted people in general.

14. Where did most of your money go? Toys (Gadgets & Games) And Petrol for commuting.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Getting a break from being WM, as you can probably tell from previous answers.

16. What song will always remind you of 2013? “The Loophole” By Garfunkel and Oates.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter (6 Christmas Dinners so far)
c) richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Falling in Love, Writing, Following my Dreams, Conquering the World, Finding a cure for the common cold and blackmailing people for the cure, You know, the simple pleasures in life.*2

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Putting things off, In 2014 I plan to do things when I think of it, as apposed to putting it off till later.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? With the Family. Family Christmas Dinner at my Parents place on Christmas Day, Then Boxing day its a free for all there, with dozens of extended family turning up to eat, drink and play games!

21. What was your favourite month of 2013? I may as well continue the current trend. November for finally leaving the Chair of KS. *3

22. Did you fall in love in 2013? Alas No. I am high functioning Sociopath. *4

23. How many one-night stands? One night stands? None (I’m a gentleman! And a gentleman never sleeps & tells) *5

24. What was your favourite TV programme? Dracula, Haven, How I Met Your Mother, Mentalist, Arrow, Agents of Shield. To name but a few.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? You know what? NO! I do not believe I hate anyone this year that I did not hate previously. Maybe I am growing as a person, becoming more enlightened? Or is everyone already on THE LIST *6.

26. What was the best book you read? The Third Kingdom by Terry Goodkind.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? It was more of a rediscover, But I would say Garfunkel and Oates.

28. What did you want and get? To become IPM, To have more Published books, To Join Rose Croix.

29. What did you want and not get? Enthusiasm, Love, Slaves A PA/Intern, A new House.

30. What was your favourite film of this year? Hard one to pick, 2013 had loads of good films. But At this moment I would have to say, The Wolverine

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I celebrated it with my family, and I was the answer to Life the Universe and Everything.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not being the only Full time Inmate at the Asylum, A long lasting Relationship, More enthusiasm, Warmth, The Sun…

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013? Mostly Cargo Pants (I like the extra pockets) Jumpers, and in work Coats…. Oh and suits, because suits are awesome…… True story.

34. What kept you sane? Me Sane? Interesting theory you have there. Well I still have the magic stone from the other year that I purchased off a traveling merchant that keeps away tigers & insanity. On a serious note, Friends bother the Real Life variety and the Net (Twitter/G+/Facebook) varieties.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Err, I am not sure, Anne Wheaton, Bonnie Burton, And I have to re-add Kaylee from FireFly as I have just completed a Firefly+Serenity rewatch.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? None, I don’t do politics.

37. Who did you miss? No one. “ high functioning Sociopath” Remember? Remember? from Question 22?

38. Who was the best new person you met? I do not recall actually meeting any new people this year, Well none that have stood apart from the crowd. So I shall just say New Interesting Twitter People!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013. The rat race is mainly for rats, so make sure you are the person in the white coat. Its a lot less stressful.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 

We’re laughing and talking and the drinks are flowing
And I’m liking the direction this night is going
But then I look up and something has changed
Everyone around us looks fucking deranged

 

*1 Yes I know this is the exact answer that I gave last year.  BUT my eldest Nephews partner is pregnant so I will have a different answer next year.
*2 Yes I know this is the exact answer that I gave last year. This is because A)My Feelings & Situation have not changed since I answered last year, and B) Its a cool answer
*3 I really need some more memorable things to happen in 2014!
*4 see *2 Yes I am that lazy!
*5 See *4. OK, I need help.
*6 Just Kidding there is no list. *7
*7 Oh, There is a List.

 


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2013 – Challenge Updates

 

Dear Constant Reader,

As you know. I have a tendency to challenge myself in a variety of ways, in a constant attempt to stave off boredom, laziness, and the soul destroying lack of enthusiasm that often plagues me.  As such I often have several Challenges running at any one time Often With other people taking part, or global challenges like NaNoWriMo.

So Dear CR, I figured I really should do an update post since we are past the midway point of the year. (more…)


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100 Days – 50 Questions, 2 Days

Jun13
Published on: June 13, 2013
Categories: 100 Day Challenge, Blog
Comments: No Comments
 

Well the 100 Days challenge is going along well. Ok for some of us its going along well, for others not so much. I am 6 days away from the Midway point, and I am still going strong (Much better than other years)

Anyway, last weekend I found a Questionnaire Meme thing. Basically it was 50 Random Questions which I answered over the two days of the weekend, and I thought I would share it here.

(more…)


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100 Day Challenge 2013 – Update

May02
Published on: May 2, 2013
Categories: 100 Day Challenge, Blog
Tags: ,
Comments: No Comments
 
This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series 100 Day Challenge 2013

day 1 - 100 days challenge

We can announce that both the DemonPenguin and the YoYoMan have signed up for the 100 Day Challenge.

I love the smell of competitiveness in the Morning.

Let the Challenge Commence!

GN

 

Handy Links

GothNinja = @GreatGothNinja = http://100days.three-ninjas.co.uk

DemonPenguin = @Demonpengu = http://100days.demonpenguin.co.uk

YoYoMan = NOT ON TWITTER = http://www.100days.girue.co.uk

PlanetPete = @MaguirePete = http://www.chimontendo.org/ct

 


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100 Day Challenge 2013

May01
Published on: May 1, 2013
Categories: 100 Day Challenge, Blog
Comments: No Comments
 
This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series 100 Day Challenge 2013

It’s that time of year again, where I try and combat the meh of Writers Block, Artistic Avoidance, and a general all round lack of enthusiasm with our private 100 day challenge based on The 100 day challenge.

So Starting May 1st we will be doing a creative thing a day for 100 days.

As with The challenge the creative thing can be, drawings, art, poetry, writing, anything as long as its creative (and one piece a day)

day 1 - 100 days challenge


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Technobable

Apr17
Published on: April 17, 2013
Categories: Blog, VPS
Tags: , ,
Comments: No Comments
 

Hi loyal readers.

Just a quick post to say we are back up and running. “What? You did not notice we had gone away? for shame on you!

We have had a change of hosting providers. The new one is fast, stronger, newer, its the 6 million dollar hosting.

CN


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