Guest Post – Introducing The Evil Goth Gnome

According to the Three Ninjas control panel/stat’s thing, this is actually post number 666. I know, a fear inspiring number right? Now since none of us wanted to actually write the post of the beast, we did the only thing we could think of. We got ourselves a Guest Blogger (of a sorts).

You may Remember Him from the funny post So, what’s the fox urine for?and for getting the blame in several post such as 12 in 12 – Month 3. That is right, The Evil Goth Gnome himself.

We should give you some history on the Gnome. He first showed up at the Ninja Temple Headquarters of the Three Ninjas one Christmas, after PlanetPete tried ridding himself of the Gnome’s evil influence, by giving him to us as a “Christmas Present”.

“I first met Evil Gnome  when he tried to persuade me to say evil things on-line to twitter. Although he seems a quiet individual, he reminds me off a viper sat awaiting to strike at feet passing by.”

PlanetPete 2013.

Since there he has been happily stalking about the HQ, plotting whatever it is that Gnome’s plot. And whispering evil suggestions to us. Which we have to date managed to resist complying with.

EGG: “That is what you think! I got you to give me access to this site didn’t I?”

GN: “That was our Idea”

EGG: “Oh, was it? Was it really? Hey WTF??? Why am I EGG???”

CN: “In chats we always use Initials, It’s not our fault you are an egg!”

EGG: *starts plotting*

Why is He called The Evil Goth Gnome?

Why is anything called what it is?


Gnome: Well He is basically a Garden Gnome.

EGG: “There is no such thing as ‘Basically a Garden Gnome’ We Gnome’s are the pinnacle of evolution. Have you seen those weeping angel things from Doctor who? We taught them that trick of becoming solid stone when watched!”

Goth: Because he is Monochrome, being a patchwork of black and white. Apart from he Orange boots. For some reasons even goth gnomes have the traditional orange boots.

EGG: “Hey, Leave the boots out of it. A Gnome is not a Gnome without his bright boots. We do not make fun of your mating habits, so leave the boots out of it.”

Evil: Because he is evil!

EGG: “You know what they say? ‘Evil is in the eye of the beholder’ and if you call me Evil again, it’ll be a pencil in the eye of the Ninja!”

So Constant Reader welcome our new Guest Blogger EvilGothGnome. And may heaven have mercy on your souls!

EGG: “Hey! That is not very Nice! You are giving the readers the wrong impression of me!”

I have been reminded to inform you that He is on “The Twitters” as @EvilGothGnome. And by Informed I mean i just had a post-it note stapled to my ankle.

Conversations with Support – Updated

This morning as I was in the Support Office attempting to dismantle a multimeter using a Swiss Army Key (Long story and totally Irrelevant here) the following conversation happened between OfficeBitch1 and myself. I should point out OfficeBitch1 (A name given him by TheGovernor)  used to be the main Support Guy of the Asylum many years ago, and has recently come back one day a week to get himself back into IT.

OB1: “I cant log in!! Has my password been changed?”

OB1: “Stupid keyboard is broke! the m key doesn’t work, no wonder I cant log into my account”

GN: “The m key is broke? do the other keys work ok?”

OB1:Yes, everything is fine bar shift-m”

GN: “Hang on, lower case m works? just shift-m doesn’t?”

OB1: “yes. m works by itself, it doesn’t with shift”

GN: “Why don’t you use caps lock then?”

OB1: *Typing* “arrgh That doesn’t work either!!!”

GN: “Did you turn caps lock off after you typed the M?”

OB1: *mutters* *types*

In his defence, the issue was that he was using the wrong email address as his username, and he had his laptop set to numlock so the m was in fact a 0. Even still I feel for anyone phoning the Asylum today for support.


I was right in worrying. I just had a simple “add this text to dns record” support ticket escalated to 3rd line Server support on the one day of the week when we have double the normal amount of support guys in. Apparently Cut & Paste is too advanced for 1st & 2nd Line Support.