I am always glad to help

On my way home from work I stopped off at the local Co-Op for a loaf of bread. As I was leaving the store I spotted one of those people who like to hang out with clipboards and hassle ordinary folk as they try and go about their daily lives. My normal response to them is to give off a “Don’t even think about it” Vibe and walk right past without even acknowledging their existence.

As I got almost to the door the heavens opened with a torrential downpour. ‘Shit. I’m going to get drenched, maybe if I wait five min’s it will ease off’ I thought. So I smiled at the clipboard wielding woman and decided to help her out.

Woman: “Hi. Can you spare a bit of your time to help us out?”

GN: *looks out at rain* “why not… Go for it….”

Woman: “ok” *looks at survey form* “How often would you say you shop at this store? Daily? Several times a week? weekly? How often, roughly?”

GN: *starts counting on fingers, 1, 2, 3, 4….* “Roughly? Say once every five years”

Woman: *looks confused at form* “err. Ok. I’ll put down once a month.And why did you choose to shop at this store today? Price of Items? Availability? Good Parking, Size of store?”

GN: “There was a crash in Tesco’s car-park, I would have been ages trying to get in there to park!”

Woman: “errr….ummm… OK. if you do not mind me asking about how much was your shopping today?”

GN: *raises loaf and looks for price tag* “£1.30”

Woman: “Did you find the store had all the dairy products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Not applicable”

Woman: “Did you find the store had all the meat products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Not applicable”

Woman: *starting to look a bit confused* “Did you find the store had all the fresh baked products you wanted?”

GN: *Raises loaf and looks at it quizzically* “Breads counts as baked right? SO Yes”

Woman: “Did you find all the Beer or Spirits you ……”

GN: *Raises loaf and wiggles it*

Woman: “Right, I’ll just put not applicable to all these” *crosses off loads of entry’s on the form* “OK. as you were walking about the store today on a scale of 0-10 how did you find the amount of stuff on the shelves?”

GN: *Looks behind the Woman at the section of the store with completely empty shelves* “It’s probably not wise to ask that question while standing in front of the part the store where they are changing all the shelves around”

Woman: “err I’ll put Not applicable to that as well” *starts to randomly answer questions herself* “OK, were you able to find everything you wanted today?”

GN: *Raises loaf and pokes it* “YES!!! Yes I was!”

Woman: *slowly starting to back away from the entrance* “Thank you for your time… err its very important to us and we appreciate it… Have a good day… Bye!!”

GN: *Waves with the loaf of bread*

 

I think my feedback will be appreciated and help towards improving the store. I should have been paid. Or at least offered a 10% discount on my days shopping.

 

Insane-Cam

TheGovernor has recently Implemented a bizarre new security regime here at The Insane Asylum. This basically involved placing a “Hidden Camera” in the Padded Cell of YoYoMan.

Here we spot the lesser spotted YoYoMan in his unnatural habitat.

This may have seemed a Good idea at the beginning. But alas we are not called The Insane Asylum for nothing.

The local Wildlife spot the hidden camera.

Along came Tux and frightened the poor Roo away.

Awwwww
They made friends.

And thats why we can’t have anything NICE!!!!

Hah. I’ve fixed the Problem with the Calendar

Have you noticed that we have a MAJOR problem with the current calendar system?

You have not? Really? You are joking right? Can you even tell the time?

Ok. For the “Slower” among you let me point out the flaw.

For rough quick calculations you think of there being FOUR weeks in a month. For example if you have X amount of something to last a month, you mentally divide it by 4 to work out your weekly amount.

So FOUR weeks a month. TWELVE months a year. Gives us FOUR times TWELVE or FORTY EIGHT weeks.

Yes. I know. We are all taught in school there are FIFTY TWO weeks in a year. SO where are the missing FOUR weeks? Yes, the current messed up calendar has a whole month missing in it. Which messes up monthly wages/bills/everything.

So What can we do? Just add a new month to the year called Waynember? (Just throwing that name suggestion out there in case a new month is the way forward)

Well, that would give us THIRTEEN months a year, and the average person is superstitions and do not like the number THIRTEEN. So lets but the idea of Waynember as plan B.

So what else can we do?

I suggest we take those FOUR weeks and split them up, and add a couple of extra day to the month. I suggest we slip them in the odd Weekend, making a new Bonus weekend day. I have no name suggestion for this new bonus day. But lets call it WayneDay for now.

WayneDay would be a weekend, and treated like a Bank holiday. As in you get the day off work, but it does not count against your holiday days. It would help the economy with millions of people going to tourist places, pubs, doing DIY on WayneDay. so its win-win all the way.

So there you have it. My suggestion on fixing the Calendar.